The New New Noise

  • by Drew

A few weeks ago I made some serious upgrades to my home studio. Overdue, perhaps long overdue upgrades. Most notably a new digital hard disk multitracker and some suh-freaking-sweet monitors. I’ve spent every spare moment of the last few weeks trying to get past the learning curve and put tunes to tracks. And I’ve been making some progress – slow but sure – progress you can track on the Noise pages where I’ll post new material and works in progress.

And man, it feels good. I mean, I’ve been away from it too long, and I’ve really been feeling it lately. It’s funny, the absence was not so noticeable, but now that I’ve had a guitar in my hands for hours every day for a couple weeks, I realize there was a hole.

Maybe it’s something like a mid-life crisis, but I don’t really think so. It’s not like I woke up one day and said maybe I should check out a health care career or maybe something in human resources. There’s always real estate. That’s more like my foray into the wine business. <wink>

This, I think, is more of a return to what it once was – what I once was. The hard part has always been reconciling the urge to play with marriage and parenthood and real-job-having-ness. And maybe, I think maybe, I can figure this out. Or die trying.

Or not. I still have a basement full of booze after all.

Reflections

  • by Drew

Did you read that post title and think I was going to go all Deep Thoughts on you? Like, as I shuffle toward the autumn of my existence, I have to take a breath every once in a while, inhaling the sweet aroma of experience and maturity.

More like, my back hurts, my knees lock up in the winter and I have to pee in the middle of the night – sometimes twice. 35 is fuckin’ GREAT!

Anyway, I was really just thinking about windows. I have always liked reflective surfaces, mirrors and windows, as literary devices or narrative elements. I really wanted to use a quote from one of my songs as the title, but that would make about as much sense for the title of this post as “reflections.”

Window treatments as a general catch all concept has been Carol’s pet project of late. We’ve got these beige curtains on every window in the house. They were her parent’s from a house they used to live in, and they are very nice, but a little bland. We hung them when we moved in a few years ago, but…well, I think Carol has determined it is time.

And we have moved beyond Cheap Blinds and homemade pinned up fabric swatch concoctions…at least for the living room. At least, that was the thinking until we turned up a cute valance at Christmas Tree Shops for $1.50. Not bad, but they only had one. We were hoping to find two, but we have a little dining room with a single window that it will work on. We’ve done some quick looking online and such, and Carol found a bunch of this same valance on eBay…for like 8 bucks!

Dude, if they are buying them for a buck and a half at CTS and selling them for 8, that’s a pretty serious margin. I mean, I doubt they can do much volume, but what a business. Buy shit from somebody and sell it for 4 times as much. Nifty.

Anyway, I’m just rambling today. But if we come up with anything good, I’m sure somebody will post pics.

Probably not me…but somebody.

And now for something not at all different…

  • by Drew

Everyone know how much I love a good Spam subject, but lately I am getting too few of these: Women like men with soft heart but hard member.The friend in your pants will be dancing like at a party. You better click.

And there are far too many of these: Learn how to take over the stock market — followed by a lengthy explanation of the stock robot and how the stock robot will make the picks that will make me independently wealthy. Oh happy day.

And as Spam loses it’s absurd erotic humor, I find I am getting rushed from all sides. Both my landline and my cell phone have been ringing off the hook with offers. I get calls from people who are literally frantic to save me and my lapsed auto warranty.

Caller: Do you know your factory warranty has expired? You are completely unprotected. We have to do something about that today!!!

Me: It has? Holy crap! What will I do. Oh wait, that’s the car I sold 2 years ago. Thanks for playing douche bag.

And Optimum Online. Fucking Optimum Online. The high speed demon internet spawn of Cablevision. 5 times a day we hear from polite Nicaraguans with hardly any accent at all telling us how terrible the Satellite dish is and how satisfied we’d be with the Triple Play. Yeah…let me get back to you on that.

Let me, in fact, reach far back into my memory. 5 years ago when we moved into this house and had to wait 3 weeks for the cable guy to come (he missed his first 2 eight hour windows, but the third time is the charm) only to be told that we had to pull wire from the street to the house, then throughout the house because “Cablevision is not responsible for pulling cable.”

How can that be. I mean, it’s in the name of your damn company. Cablevision. It’s the first damn half of your compound word corporate identifier. That’s like going into Burger King and being told “Sorry, we don’t sell burgers here. We just sell chicken fingers and crowns. Nothing but chicken fingers and crowns. Can I get you some chicken fingers? Or maybe you’re feeling a little regal today. Take off that Mets cap. Have I got a treat for you.”

I mean, I might be interested in business insurance if I owned a business that needed to be insured. It has happened in the past. It may happen again, but right now…not exactly useful. There are a number of products and services I am very interested in, in fact. I am just not interested in refinancing my mortgage with Joe’s Back o’ the Van bank in the next 10 minutes before Mr. BOTV’s pay-as-you-go cell minutes expire. Is that so wrong?

Why not a watch?

  • by Drew

The Valentine’s Day problem persists. I still haven’t come up with anything. I’m kind of bummed, though, that Carol already has a few good watches, including a Happy Meal Hello Kitty watch she picked up this weekend. SkullsKnowing this, of course, I found a good watch site – Kenmar Watches. They have all kinds of stuff from the big designers like Gucci watches and Kenneth Cole. They have classic makers like Citizen, Timex and Bulova. They also have a lot of brands from other spaces like Timberland, Corvette and Puma. But I particularly like some of the lesser known designers (at least to me) or just weirdo brands that make you wonder wh exactly is wearing this stuff? I mean, on one page they have stuff that could only be worn by a Black Ops hitman, on the next they have pieces that would be perfect in the next John Waters film.

I like this pink skull and cross bones one from Paul Frank. There are a lot of pop art and cartoon-style designs, slightly more mature (for lack of a better modifier) than San Rio Hello Kitty stuff. There’s also a camo monkey design I like.

How about a Kalashnikov or an Uzi. I’m not sure if these are street legal automatic or if you’ll need one of those gun show conversion kits to unload a full clip in less than 10 seconds, but the watches are pretty bad ass. You can get your swiss army always-be-prepared on with Wenger and Victorinox models, or be particularly japanimation chic with wrist art from designers like Appetime and Pop Time. And speaking of pop art, there’s a whole Andy Warhol collection. And I would be remiss to leave out the ever beloved by the B-star elite designs of Von Dutch.

Selection aside, the site offers a pretty decent shopping experience. The design is in three columns, with pretty sparse content. The left and right columns list the logos of prominent manufacturers, the center column offers the primary content – lists of watches. Or when, you want more detail, you can click to get it. But for browsing, there’s a nice rollover preview so you don’t have to leave a collection page to get the basics on a whole slew of watches.

AK-watchThere’s also a pretty prevalent “Chat with a rep” box that floats across the screen. Actually, it floats across the screen a little too often for me, but I like to shop alone and unassisted. For anyone who wants to chat with a person, they can.

But what about price? you ask. Good question. Honestly, I have no idea how prices compare because I haven’t done much comparison shopping. Mostly because I’m not actually in the market for a watch this Valentine’s Day. What I do like, however, is that Kenmar Watches claims a price match guarantee. Yup, you find it cheaper somewhere else and they will probably match it. So that’s cool.

They also have a shopping feature I have seen cropping up in a small number of other specialty shopping site. There is a “make an offer” button on many of the watch pages. So, even if you you’re not asking for a price match, you can always ask for a discount. I mean, there’s no reason to expect you’ll get it, but at least you have the opportunity to try and wheel and deal. Worst thing that can happen is they’ll say no. But this system let’s both parties set their line in the sand, and protect their own interests. If they can do the deal and still make a fair profit, they will probably do it. Why not try, right?

OK, enough watch stuff. I need to find something for my lady…maybe a Snickers bar. Or a bag of M&Ms. She loves them. 

V-Day is Coming

  • by Drew

Ugggh. I’m burned out this year. The ideas just aren’t coming. In past years I’ve done jewelry, clothing, spa time, decorative home accessories, Fossil watches, major appliances, romantic getaways, intimate dinners, and fine wine. I don’t know. I think we’re going to go up to Massachusetts for the weekend, so we’ll probably unload the monkeys on the grandparents and head to the Olive Garden or something. Get us some of that hospitaliano. As long as the food doesn’t put us in an ambulancio on the way to the hospitaliano, I’ll take it. It’s all about free babysitting.

But I probably have to come up with something. And I’m running out of time. Hmmmm. Of course, if I do have any good ideas, I’d be an idiot to put them here what with my wife as a regular reader. That would really kind of blow the surprise. I mean, if I could get through two months with a Wii in the basement without spilling the Christmas beans, I should be able to think up something incredibly sweet and special and unexpected and not reveal it here.

Hmmmm. I wonder if she’s ever been to Hooters. She does love chicken wings.

Online Ed (the only good indians are tame***)

  • by Drew

So I’m still into this online education concept, and I’ve come across some other programs that are pretty cool. While looking at Project Management oriented stuff I came across this Master of Science in Service Management program. Among other things, it has a focus on leadership in business and is offered by Saint Xavier University. Now, I don’t know if this is for me – after all, it has “Science” in the title. I mean, that right there is a pretty solid indication that I should run to the hills with Iron Maiden blasting my personal soundtrack.

What really tracks for me is the MS Nursing degree they offer. No, I’m not saying I’m ready for a career change just yet (though one never knows – and I’m much more likely to go nurse than doctor – think Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents only less DeNiro and more catheters).

Seriously, though, this is a pretty compelling program. It’s wild that you can actually consider getting an advanced degree in the nursing field (solid undergraduate work is of course a requirement) through an online program. I mean, as more and more people are making career decisions or changes later in life – like, after they’ve started families and have mortgages and such – an advanced program that is flexible and can work around an individual’s schedule is pretty cool. There really is a world of new opportunities opening up thanks to online culture – and it’s not just centered on porn and wasting time.

And since we’re talking about patient care here, it is cool that they also require some weekend on campus time to complete the program. It’s not just about avoiding the rubber stamp, but I think it also reinforces the human element that is required in health care. It seems Saint Xavier’s is one of only 15 schools recognized as a Center of Excellence in Nursing Education, and the program is fully accredited, and graduates can sit for the Clinical Nursing Leader Certification Exam. Honestly. I have no idea what that is, but it seems comparable to receiving PMP certification as discussed last time.

So even if Nursing is not in my (immediate) future, I am heartened by the impressive leaps I have seen in the online education space since I started working in this business…back when it was barely a business to work in. And it is quite interesting to see some an online curriculum that is well-conceived and has been demonstrated effective in what we once called the “distance learning” space, particularly when the curriculum has nothing to do with the online world. Taking an offline discipline and creating an online learning environment that supports the offline reality – in a very specialized field, no less – that’s just cool.

*** By the way – the title…it’s from the the song Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden. Just in case you think I’ve lost my liberal bias or something.

What is a Producer?

  • by Drew

I am a Producer by title- Executive Producer in fact. The title actually comes from my time in the Advertising biz, and is not nearly so exciting as it might sound. I wish it meant I was producing quality film or classic albums. Instead, in the Web-world it has really come to mean project manager. In the late 90’s there were bazillions of Producers. Thankfully, when the bubble burst, a lot of the bandwagon folks split for the next big thing, because most Producers/Project Managers I had to deal with were boneheads.

In fact, I knew several dozen Producers with varying levels of experience who’d taken classes or earned certificates in the field, and they were some of the worst in the bunch. Of course, this was a time of, again, bandwagon growth, so the real value of these programs are pretty questionable. It’s like a lot of the MBAs I know. Sure, there are some fine biz schools out there, but the lion’s share of academics in the business field have never owned a business, many have not even held jobs outside academia. Remember those funny scenes in Back to school when Rodney talks down the professor with tales of graft, bribery, tax evasion, union “massaging” etc.? Yeah, go into business for yourself for a year or so, you’ll see who really knows what’s up.

So I honestly haven’t given much thought to continuing education in my field. But recently there have been a number of positive changes at my company, and I’ve actually considered taking advantage of some continuing ed opportunities. Maybe it is a good time for me to reconsider certification.

I’ve recently come across St. Joseph’s University, the online arm of a pretty well-respected Jesuit institution. Their PMP Exam Preparation might be the way to go if I’m going to pursue certification. I have only one friend who has done any higher ed study through an online program, so I am curious about effectiveness.

This actually looks pretty solid. The exam itself is administered by a third party, the Project Management Institute, so it has the feel of a real accomplishment, not summer camp with a pop quiz at the end of July. Certification prep is a 24 week program. Lecture, videos, and such parts of the program are expected, and certainly interesting, but I think the most valuable aspect of the training is in case studies.

I have often observed that a lot of people (including a lot of Project Managers) view Project Management as making a schedule, defining a timeline, estimating costs…and then more or less walking away. The reality, however, is that managing a project is managing a series of problems and issues. If it was all about making a schedule and you could expect the people involved to simply follow the schedule, it would be pretty easy. The reality is that there are failures, illnesses, and difficult clients, and only through experience can you learn to anticipate and deal with these kinds of things.

So 24 weeks, three phases – Project Management I, II and PMP Exam Preparation. Looks pretty solid. I just wonder if the boss will pay for it.

Bunk’d

  • by Drew

Did I mention that my house is going pink in a couple of months? Yeah dude, we’re having a little girl. I know everybody reads Carol’s blog and knows this already, but it’s been on my mind today. Actually, the pink thing is no big change since it’s been Jake’s favorite color as long as he’s had a favorite color, so we’ll actually probably have to go yellow or something so she can have something her own. 

Anyway, one of the funny things about having a little girl…when we first told Jake and Noah we were having a baby, they immediately said they wanted a sister. Then, I made an ill-timed comment about sharing bedrooms and having bunk beds if we had another boy – instantly they wanted a little brother. I tried, over the months in anticipation of the ultrasound to get them to understand I had been joking, and that the baby’s gender had no correlation with the possibility of bunk beds, but they were having none of it.

Jake actually started designing their bunk beds. He envisioned a three tier setup with a massive ladder and, I don’t, probably a freakin’ elevator. I pointed out that we don’t have 20 foot ceilings and three tiers was probably not doable, but he was full of attitude. Like some demented little designer – “Don’t harsh my artistic inspiration – let the blasted engineers figure it!”

I also explained that they both have perfectly adequate bed frames. We don’t need new beds. In fact, they are using the same ones my brother and I had growing up. Man, you should hear those things squeak. Nevertheless, in the doctor’s office, when we got the definitive results, Noah actually groaned. They’ve both come around since then and seem pretty excited about their soon to be sister, but man, who knew what a powerful draw bunk beds had.

Chubby Cheeks

  • by Drew

I’ve been kvetching with a coworker over the past few days about how chunky we’ve become. I mean, I have said before that I want to jump back on the South Beach wagon and trim up like I did last year, but even so, I feel like there’s so much weight in my face that wasn’t there when I was younger. I was joking about how my kids must have a total different perspective about how I look because they’re so much shorter than me and I’m always looking down at them and you know how you can get all puffy cheeked when gravity is working against you.

Maybe it’s just me. But I have heard you can use your hands to exercise your face…

My buddy was saying (in jest) he wants to get a face-lift to tug back his jowls and trim up his beard line, but he doesn’t have the nerve…or stomach for it. I told him that we should maybe not worry about it so much. After all, there are plenty of very famous and successful jowls out there. John McCain’s jowls, for example.

So my friend told me a  story about this hot chick whoslept next to him on a long flight. They were in a big jet with a center 5 seater and all but their 2 spots were vacant. After a bit she got fairly comfortable, spanning the four empty seats, her head mere inches from his thighs. Initially he was just mildly distressed about the relative proximity of hotness to his junk. But then, as she moved in her sleep and her hair moved to expose the side of her face, he spotted the telltale slice behind her ear.

Yup, she’d been stretched, and he found the revelation, well, kind of gross. So now, he was not only rattled by her junk-proximity, but he was skeeved out by the revelation of surgery. And as he stared down at the face-lift scars, the rest of her face obscured by her hair, her hotness was forgotten and she took on – at least when viewed from behind – a sort of Frankenstein’s monster aspect. The little scar seemed lost without accompanying neck bolts and the fetid smell of decay.

So I think we’re going to look for some other chub-defying solution. Maybe we’ll read some Lipovox reviews. It seems a lot safer than going under the knife.

And I can always follow in the footsteps of my crazy Facebook stalker and start doing meth. It is, after all, the gender neutral drug (? I don’t know what that means either ?) and maybe it will lead me to the seamy underbelly of privileged trust fund life and RN-sponsored fellatio training. Now that’s one way to exercise your face.

Snow Big Deal

  • by Drew

We’ve had a couple of good little snows over the last few days. A couple inches each, but on top of the ice that’s persisted for over a week thanks to subzero temperatures, it added up to a pretty wintry weekend. We actually ran out to the grocery store yesterday (Sunday) morning before the plow came out and I was, once again, astounded by the rampant stupidity of the standard American road monkey.

A couple of times, when I was leaving plenty of room between myself and the car in front of me, I had some schmuch in a little shitbox steaming up my tail. Now I was driving a fairly new All Wheel Drive Forester, and it was behaving quite well. In my rear view I was watching – at one point on the way home – some jerk in a little Mazda fishtailing all over the road. And in spite of being barely able to make it up a few of the inclines that weren’t even that steep, he would get right up behind me on the downhill track. I mean, I’m watching the guy almost go off the road as he slams on the brakes, and he still never learns his lesson.

What is the problem with people? I understand that it can be stressful to drive at a safe speed in the snow. I know that a lot of people just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. But I’m not exactly an old lady in the snow. I actually drive a lot more aggressively in bad weather than a lot of people I know, so…what the hell?

But the rest of the day was much nicer – after we got home from the store. I’ve especially been enjoying all the tracks in the snow. In the back there are a few deer that visit routinely. There are Turkey tracks all over the front, especially down near the road. And there are all kinds of critter tracks on the back deck and on the front step and such. They were loving the crusts of bread I’ve been throwing out back.

We have a very wooded lot with hundreds of big old hardwoods, but I wonder if we shouldn’t look into some Wildlife trees to provide treats in the warm weather, and maybe some extra shelter in the winter. I don’t know much about such things, but when it’s below zero for 5 or 6 days in a row, I start feeling really bad for the local critters.

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