The B!tch is Back

So… the election.

If you know me, know my projects and music, or have read anything I’ve ever written, you probably know that I am a compassionate, sensitive, new-age guy. So it is no surprise that I am not a big fan of Annoying Orange.

Sure you think this is a dated reference, but ride with me here. I’m being intentionally facetious. (Should I have said “spoiler alert?”)

Her, it was cute when Annoying Orange had short little YouTube videos. Micro-bits of stupidity and juvenile ejaculation that really made the grade school kids chuckle. It was just the right level of small-brained, dimwitted humor that makes an almost-formed mind of limited intellectual capability laugh for a moment.

Then the Annoying Orange went mainstream. A full show on actual television! What a mistake. We learned pretty quickly that 20+ minutes at a time of barely scripted nonsense with no real sense of cohesion – hell, completely lacking a plan when you come right down to it – was an embarrassingly ill-conceived cock up.

So yeah. Now we have a president elect who clearly can’t follow the instructions on a can of spray-tan. Sure, fodder for countless sitcom scripts, but is this the guy we want with his finger on the button?

Okay, I jumped from Annoying Orange to Captain Dump pretty abruptly, but I figure the average attention span is declining fast these days. Can’t milk it like I used to.

Hell, I probably lost you at “facetious.”

Mad Match Surveys are almost all in!

1Most of the Mad Match surveys are in and in no time we’ll be mailing out rewards.

If you missed the kickstarter and want to get in on the fun, we will be selling the game through The Game Crafter as soon as all rewards have been delivered. Check back in a couple weeks to buy.

Can’t wait to get your Pope Street Game fix? Mad Science The Card Game is available now:

Phoning it in

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

So said George W. Bush in the year 2000. Really, you’d have to ask yourself, who else could have spoken such words? But enjoying such quotes is not my only purpose today. The goofballery that we love to laugh at is a clear sign of a greater problem in this country – the very public and very aggressive anti-intellectualism movement.

When I was a kid, we were encouraged to work hard, bust our butts, try to get into a good college, and stop complaining about homework.

Now, parents of my kids’ friends battle against standardized curriculum, performance and competency testing, and my God!!! – they have way too much homework! In fact, kids should not be tested at all because school is about them smiling and playing at recess, and really, isn’t college a ridiculous waste of money?

I fear that too many parents in my generation and that immediately following mine are so focused on their own mobile social media opportunities, that their children are being formed into mushy balls of helplessness. These parents love little league because they can park their butts on the bleachers and play with their phones under the auspices of making their kids more well rounded. But they hate things like Cub Scouts because they are expected to actually participate, and other than an occasional snapshot, barely get to glance at their iPhone screen. And at some point, somebody is going to ask them to sleep in a tent.

New project…

I’ve actually got a few new projects. Two involve music and one is a new comic, but the one I’m thinking about right now is my custom bass. I recently picked up a decent used bass neck and plan to rebuild an old instrument I’ve had since high school. We’re talking new pain, new electronics, a new pickguard. It should be suh-weet. I might have to buy an actual bass amp. I mean, I’m not all ampeg 6×10 bas cabinet at guitar center or anything. At least not yet. But maybe someday…

Owned Again

Some people get rings from the phones. Some people get rings from a doorbell. Some people get rings from Reeds jewelers. I got a ring from my wife. It was a Christmas gift. A replacement for the real one that I lost a few months back the one I mentioned in a post musing about the state of my current vows, given the loss of the ceremonial symbol. Well… sorry ladies, but I am now doubly owned because I found my lost ring just days before Christmas (completely ruining my wife’s thoughtful gift). Ain’t I a stinker?


You ever heard that saying about the sucker in the room? It goes something like ‘if you can’t pick out the sucker in the room, it’s probably you.’ sometimes, as a volunteer, I feel like I’m in a room full of people who think they’re awesome and generous and super special, but me… I can’t figure out how I got pulled into such a mess. You can get a map and a compass, but it won’t lead you to a bigger sucker than me. You can buy Louis Poulsen lighting, or drag the whole situation out onto an International airport’s tarmac under the blinky blinkies… but the biggest sucker you see will always be me.

There’s an app for what now?

I have this Pitfall t-shirt I bought on clearance a few months ago. It is the artwork from the classic Atari game. Lately I’ve been wearing it and getting all sorts of comments from my 11 year old’s friends. Apparently there is a Pitfall app that they’ve all downloaded. I was kind of psyched because I love the old game and used to rock at it (if I do say so myself). I finally hit the app store on my phone a couple days ago and cruised some biggies – most recent Angry Birds pig spin off, Shazam!, goconnect iphone app, and… then I found it. Huzzah!

Oh man. It sucks. It’s not Pitfall at all. It’s a thinly veiled Temple Run rip off (of which I was among the earliest of early adopters). What a bummer. Somebody, please… I beg you… make me some classic 80s Pitfall for iPhone!


Grab the can…

I’ve been hearing that old phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” quite a bit lately. What I’ve come to realize is that too many people seem to think that in pretending to abide the sentiment in that statement, one instantly assumes the right to be a complete pain in the ass all the time. Ummmm… no.

The squeaky wheel should be diligent and forthright. The squeaky wheel should raise issues promptly and appropriately. The squeaky wheel should NOT push everyone aside and step up shouting to be heard at the expense of everyone else. That’s just being a good old red, white, and blue a-hole. The squeaky wheel searching for Pandora beads or whatever on a shopping site should not steamroller the comments section (intended for past purchasers to discuss their experience with the product) with questions about the seller.

For that matter, the squeaky wheel should probably never be anywhere near any comments section. Those are usually occupied by PITAs on a mission of destruction.

Or they’re posting comments to get free junk.

Ringing true?

A while ago I asked whether or not my missing wedding ring should mean I’m free. Is it just a symbol or is it something more? Is it actually a document of sorts, imbuing the bond with some sort of greater severity? Am I silly to think about such things? And would a mothers ring from or some such make my sweetie something more of a mother than just the simple reality of being a Mom?

Your very own money!

Did you ever want a custom coin with your own awesome image on it? Maybe your own face? King or Queen of your own castle? Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it. Maybe you should look into making your own money. Stop being a super wuss pants. Make your own money now. Today. Coin based. How is that not the coolest?

For real. Don’t you need to get on that?