Hey, I’ve noticed a new trend in douche bag driving this past week. On at least a dozen occasions since last Sunday I have seen people passing in extreme traffic over a dotted yellow line. When I say extreme traffic I mean they are not passing one or two cars and then racing off on their merry way, but rather they are in a huge line of traffic, do the fast acceleration and zip around one car and then continue in the lane of traffic.

The other morning I watched some jack off in a beamer spend ten minutes zipping around cars and nearly causing accidents over the course of about 5 slow miles. In that time he advanced approximately 5 car lengths. So, he was massively aggressive, irritating at least half a dozen drivers, cause several people to lay on their horns and nearly caused one (and arguably as many as three accidents – all avoided by other drivers slamming on brakes and/or taking evasive action) and he advanced his situation by less than 100 feet.

In all seriousness, shouldn’t I be allowed to pull him out of his car and slam his head on the hood? Just once or twice? Forget all this arguing about the economy and health care and blah blah blah. I need a law now that lets me carry a baseball bat in my car to dispense some modicum of justice on the aggressive imbecile in the overpriced import. Please congress, make me that law!

Same day, coming home from work, I watched two dudes, one in a little hatchback followed by a dude in a massive electrician truck with a cherry picker (like this) do the fast traffic pass over the dotted line. I mean, the little hatchback kind of made sense, but the big truck? Dude, what are you thinking? This stuff is starting to really freak me out, like I need quotes on term life insurance from wholesale insurance providers. You know, just in case… SQUEAL… BANG… CRASH!

And there were so many other examples since the weekend. It seems every time I’ve hit the road in the last few days I’ve watched some schmuck pull one of these douche moves. Keep crossing the dotted lane dudes and we’ll be connecting those dots…in blood.

I was going for a Driver’s Ed 5 hour course Blood Flows Red on the Highway vibe there. Did I get it? At least a little?