I found a description of this hilarious Step Brotherscomment about Will Ferrell’s singing voice as indicating a heavenly quality (Jesus) combined with a modern and hip quality. I disagree. I mean, I think that might be what John C. Reilly’s character means…as a 40 year old unemployed loser that still lives with his father. But that’s what makes it funny, right? Because anyone with eyes has to know that Fergie is a somewhat hideous freak. And, of course, anyone with ears is going to feel about the same thing.

Look, Kids Incorporated was cool. She can have that. But it’s time to move on. She hit her peak during adolescence. Time to move on.

And speaking of moving on, I was fortunate to see the new Britney Spears video this weekend while hiding from the ice storm power outage in Massachusetts. It was before 6 am – Noah had gotten me up – and I hadn’t had any breakfast. That’s the good news.

If you’re smarter than me, you haven’t seen this video. I believe it is the first single from her new album Circus. Yes, if Britney had a brain you might think she actually has an ironic sense of humor. But…no such luck I think. No intended irony. No brains.

Also, no musical ability. Still. At least some things don’t change. This track was called Womanizer. I know that because the word Womanizer represents approximately 90% of the lyrics. There are two or three different dance themes going on. One had Britney in a sort of severe pageboy domination number stamping through an office or something. That was weird.

But the truly scary part was the part where she lays on her back, writhing and singing on a bench that makes me think sauna. She was pretty heavily oiled (maybe sauna-sweaty) and completely naked. Now, a relatively firm, young woman with enhanced boobs and porno-blond hair, ass-humping a wooden bench may sound hot. Sure it does. But I still have mental images of pre-liposuction Britney spilling out of her fat jeans. I still remember those shots of her with her droopy drawers and highly visible thong. I remember thinking -very seriously – so that’s what I would look like in a thong!

If she had never gotten nasty, so very VERY nasty… If she had never bedded K-Fed or had those 6 or 7 babies… If she had not been photographed dozens and dozens of times in a body shape that basically makes the average Walmart shopper look…well, better than they would have looked next to Oops I did it again era Britney.

Something that is heavenly and hip is Regina Spektor’s voice or a Patek Philippe watch. Grown up Fergie and anytime Britney – these are spirit-crushing and dark. It’s the holidays. We need…happier?

Speaking of which – after the Britney horror show I saw Katy Perry doing Hot and Cold. It may not be existential or particularly original, but it was fun and catchy and one of the better things I’ve heard from the popular media in a while.