We used to have a company for our oil. We paid a fixed monthly amount, and they would come and deliver whenever we needed fuel. This worked well until last year, when oil prices spiked. You might have noticed – it was in the news a couple times. Anyway, when the new annual paperwork came around, the monthly increase was about 400% – no kidding.

Our response was threefold:
1. Cancel this relationship.
2. Get a wood stove and make some use of all the free fuel on our 3+ acres of wooded property.
3. Find a new supplier for the oil we still need for hot water and secondary heat.

The first two were taken care of over pretty quickly. Number three was on the agenda this week. We priced several different suppliers that all advertise in various local media. The price per gallon actually varied substantially – by nearly a dollar per gallon. The company with the best price was also the company with the friendliest customer service – and they didn’t try to sell us a service contract or a month-to-month program. Sweet.

So, the delivery came the other day. We watched and waited anxiously because the meter on our tank hasn’t moved in 2 months, so I figured it was stuck or broken. For all we knew, we had empty tanks. Turns out, the meter wasn’t too far off.

But here’s the funny thing. See, at one point in the past we had a problem with our tanks. We have two tanks, and the spillover valve was broken. So, when I noticed one day that someone had written *BONKERS* on the cover to the fill pipe, I thought maybe it had something to do with the wonky valve. Like the oil guy was making a note that the pipe acted funny.

When we last got oil (still from the old company) I noticed that there was an added tag. This time it read “eggy” in a very Peter Bagge-esque hand. Incidentally, the asterisks and quotations are part of the oil pipe graffiti.

Eggy? I wondered if this might be some sort of inside jargon in the home heating oil biz. Maybe referring to the smell? Or the relative viscosity? Or the way it goes good with home fries and hash?

Now here’s the thing – when we got the delivery a couple days ago, the guy dragged the hose up and did his thing with the industrial clamps or whatever and we rushed down into the basement to see what would happen with the meter – remember, we thought it was busted.

Well, this dude was finished in a matter of minutes. Bingo-bango and he was gone. I was hovering by the front door waiting to see if he’d trudge up and tell me that my fuel pipe was bonkers, or maybe that the fill process had gone a bit eggy. But no, he just rolled up the hose and left.

I raced around to the side of the house to check it out and saw a new tag, this one in bright red ink. A little smiley face and the word Beefy.

Is this his freakin’ nickname or something? If I get a CB radio do you think I can get on the line with Bonkers and eggy and Beefy? Can I have a home heating oil delivery guy handle? Like Biscuitman, or Baconwack.

Yo, yo yo! This is Sausage Patty reaching out to Eggy and the Beef-man. what’s your 20?