I was talking about my disgusting back fat the other day and got onto South Beach. Now it’s stuck in my mind. We did South Beach almost a year ago. During the time we were following the plan pretty closely, I dropped about 30 pounds. And that carried through the holidays, so I was pretty happy about it. Since then I put about 10 pounds back on, but I’m still at like a -20 net, so…cool.

This time around though, especially with our basement currently full of wine and booze, I have been enjoying my evening cocktail quite a bit. Honestly, those first two weeks of the South Beach program, where you drop all alcohol along with the white bread and other junk, that’s sounding tough. I mean, I don’t think it’s time for a 12 step program or alcohol rehab or anything, but I have been making a lot of excuses, and the booze thing is definitely a contributing factor.

Anyway, I was always saving my institutional cherry for a nice drug treatment center after my rock opera did a three year run on Broadway, but my third major label release was summarily panned by the critics, but before my seminal ‘back-to-basics’ fifth album, self-produced and on most critics top-10 for the year lists…

Oh crap, did I write that or just think it?

Anyway, clearly none of this is in my future (or past or present) and I am destined to just be me, sans critical acclaim, so I think the Beverly Hills rehab is out. I’ll leave that to Britney. I’ll just forego my cocktails for a couple of weeks, try to melt some of the back bacon, and skip the liposuction. I’ll leave that to Britney as well.

Damn, she gets everything…rehab, lipo, K-fed. Some girls have all the luck.