So we’re putting in a wood stove. I figure we can either pay the oil companies thousands of dollars to heat our home this winter, or we can take advantage of our three plus acres of trees – many already on the ground – to heat our home. Yeah, it costs some bucks to put in the stove, but I’d rather give that money to Tim the stove guy.

And here’s a tasty tidbit I picked up while stove shopping – did you know that a fallen tree rotting in the woods produces more noxious junk than if you burn it in a proper wood stove. Holy crap! Environmentally sound combustion! There’s got to be a flaming tree-hugger joke in here somewhere…but that wasn’t my point.

See, the best place for our super efficient wood stove is the corner where our highly inefficient wood burning fireplace was. I say was, because it’s gone. It was a corner fireplace. The fireplace and angled-off corner are now gone, replaced by a proper corner and a lovely bluestone stove pad. Demolition is awesome.

While removing the old fireplace and tearing down it’s surrounding wall to make room for the new stove, I had to work around the protruding chimney apparatus that will be removed and replaced. A few nights ago, as I was finishing up, I stood and scratched my back against the metal bracing. I got a nasty, long, scratch that made a bloody welt.

And damn, when I looked in the mirror I realized I am hiding a lot of freaking fat back there. Seriously, I need some good old 80’s style diet pills. I need to pull an Alex P. Keaton (on Family Ties – you remember that episode, right?). I had to ask Carol to put some antibiotic cream on there and I was seriously embarrassed. It’s more or less invisible until you bend just the right way. Someone tell me please, what is the best fat burner? I totally need some.

It’s time to do the South Beach thing again. I’m eating too many french fries lately. And drinking too much wine. But damn, I feel like I have a couple ham hocks over my ass. That just won’t do.