At the risk of embarrassing myself, I have to share a funny little anecdote. See, Noah was awake at 3:50 this morning. Since he got Carol up at 3:45 yesterday, it was my turn. I argued, negotiated, cajoled, refused, was stern, read 2 stories, reasoned, left, came back, rationalized, left, etc.

We were dowstairs watching Barney at 4:30.

While he ate raisins and drank apple juice, I checked my email and did some surfing. I had several emails about how disappointed my girl is with my tiny penis (yet again). Sigh, and with the holidays here, you think I’d do something to bring her “great big more satisfaction so she stay not go to big dick man with rock hard power.”

There was a product called smart balls. I thought that sounded funny, but I didn’t want to click on a random porn-mail link that takes me to some spyware pumping Thai bordello, so I did a simple search. I came across a sex toy part of Overstock (one of my favorite shopping sites) with lots of customer reviews. Never found smart balls, but just before the rest of the family got up, I came across a glass dildo.

Several reviews complained that it was cold, and they weren’t convinced that it was really glass. Popular opinion was that it was acrylic. Here’s the funny part. Someone complained about the meager instructions. Apparently she needed some help with the, um, usage.

Now maybe it’s just surly Mr. 4AM speaking here, but should we really be selling a dildo to someone who needs a fucking roadmap to use it? It’s a dildo. It’s a handheld love rocket. If you can find your own personal “cosmos” in which the love rocket can take flight…

I mean…damn.