Presence

The presence of presents…oh how it makes the kids go wild.

This year my kids will be pretty toy happy. Pretty happy indeed. Quite a bit will be due to past clearance sale success combined with careful holiday shopping, as noted in a recent post. Sure, there may be baby clothes and otherwise un-playlike items under the tree or in boxes from the relatives, but those packages won’t have my name in the FROM space…can you dig it. I can dig it.

Actually, it is a big help that some of the relatives go out and buy some nice outfits for the kids. It lets me focus on Spider-Man tees and Lego Batman pajamas.

The Day After…

It’s coming! It’s coming! No, not a nuclear missile circa 1983. Black Friday is on its way. Only a few days a way. And the deals…oh the deals.

Actually, I’ve been cruising a couple of the pirate scan sites that get disgruntled employees or fame seekers (whose concept of fame is really lo-fi) to get them early copies of the ads that will be in the paper on Thanksgiving. Turns out a lot of the Friday deals aren’t that impressive. At least ot on kids toys. There are some gems hidden in there, especially when it comes to electronics and some jewelry and clothes. But toys…not so much. We have actually finished toy shopping for all three kids and there’s not a Friday price that beats any of the early Toy Book and coupon-based sales we’ve tracked. Mostly Target with a little Toys R Us. Supplement that with stuff we bought over the past year on clearance and our kids are going to get Santa-fied in a big BIG way.

Sites

There are a lot of options out there when it comes to building sites. The major URL registrars all have packages, there are tons of inexpensive hosting providers, there’s white label site creator and such site building tools and there are free sites. I’ve been paying attention because a couple of friends and acquaintances are in the “I need a web site” space. I’ve been doing sites for small businesses – mostly start ups by buddies – for years. It’s been a while, though, since someone came to me with a new project, but my all time favorite comic shop need a site and man, I want to do it. I don’ care about the money or anything like that, I just want to help. After all, I’ve been doing this stuff for 15 years. Through some of my employers during that time I’ve built as much as $300 an hour for this work. Why not share that experience with people who really need it, right? P&G, Johnsons and Johnson, Citibank, Chase, Ernst and Young…those dudes can pay for it. But when someone has the stones and the where with all to go it on their own…those guys get the budget price. Can you dig?

as a dog…

Yup, sick as one, that’s me. I went to the doctor this morning and I have some sort of upper respiratory infection. Cutting wood last Sunday probably did me in. It was bitter cold, but it was the only day in a while that wasn’t super rainy.

If there are scales of sickness, I’m way up near the top right now. I have this massive swollen gland in my neck, I can’t breathe or stop coughing and I haven’t slept in days. My ability to complain about it remains firmly intact.

Another Floss Post

You may remember that I reviewed a number of dental hygiene products way back when, including a couple types of floss. This is not a post about that type of floss. In fact, it is much more of a post about diets that work, or exercise plans one can follow…stuff like that.

You need clarification? And explanation? Here goes:

I was in Target a couple weeks ago with the family. We had just gone to dinner at someplace like Friendly’s where I had unlimited refills, and if you know me, you know I like to get the most bang for my buck. At Friendly’s I usually have at least 2 refills on my soda, meaning 3 full glasses. And since I am not a wasteful person (thanks Mom) I finish the sodas they bring. What does that mean other than that I am a frugal diner? It means I pee a lot after dinner at Friendly’s.

So, again, we’re shopping at Target after a Friendly’s dinner and the urge came upon me. Fast and sure, because I had just sucked down about a liter and half of diet cola and my bladder can handle only so much.

So I left the kids with Mom in the toys and did the goosestep march across the store to the bathrooms. Then I rounded the corner of an aisle in the craft section and nearly went blind. Seriously. For there, before me, was a woman in her late 30s or early 40s, medium height and about 50 pounds overweight. She was bent over looking at paper goods on the bottom shelf and her jeans were dropping a bit. If it were a man you might think plumber’s crack.

But here’s the funny/tragic part. Pulled up on her back bacon, well out of her jeans, was a bit of bright red floss. Let me paint the picture even more clearly. This woman, this overinflated woman, was wearing a candy apple red thong. And I saw it. riding in and up as she bent over and shared her plumber butt with the world.

I gagged slightly, re-tasted my turkey supermelt, and then did what any modern american gentleman would be compelled by decency to do. I took a picture with my iPhone to show my wife later.

Yes, I still have it, and no, it will never grace the pages of this blog. I do have some modicum of taste, after all. That said, if you really want to see it, drop me a line.

Sand between my toes

So I was up at 4:30 am with the baby again, and couldn’t help but revel in early morning television. Man, do they sell a lot of crap in the wee hours or what? I have to admit, though, there was this new weight loss plan that had me listening for a while. It has a focus on individual metabolism and targeted exercise to help get your body where you want it to be. I am a big fan of this approach because the diets and such are all a mess. Sure, there are some generic guidelines that work for everyone:  Carrots > Doritos and Grilled Chicken > Liver fried in bacon fat. But a lot of the generic diet plan stuff won’t work the same for different people.

How do I know metabolism differs? I know a guy who is a lot older than me who routinely eats two bagels with cream cheese for breakfast. I’ve seen this guy, on more than one occasion, eat an entire pizza for lunch. Like, a pizza intended for 2 people and a toddler. All by himself. For lunch. And he’s maybe 5 pounds underweight. And I’ve never seen him touch a vegetable. Yeah, that’s fair.

Maybe read some phentermine reviews and you’ll find that the pills work in a more generic fashion, who knows? But I am pretty sure that your South Beach is not my South Beach.

Of course, my South Beach has that topless section for hot chicks only, I don’t know if you’ve got that. And if I’m lucky, they occasionally turn over in the sun and I can get a glimpse through my binoculars from the far away other end of the beach next to the hot dog cart.