You may remember that I reviewed a number of dental hygiene products way back when, including a couple types of floss. This is not a post about that type of floss. In fact, it is much more of a post about diets that work, or exercise plans one can follow…stuff like that.

You need clarification? And explanation? Here goes:

I was in Target a couple weeks ago with the family. We had just gone to dinner at someplace like Friendly’s where I had unlimited refills, and if you know me, you know I like to get the most bang for my buck. At Friendly’s I usually have at least 2 refills on my soda, meaning 3 full glasses. And since I am not a wasteful person (thanks Mom) I finish the sodas they bring. What does that mean other than that I am a frugal diner? It means I pee a lot after dinner at Friendly’s.

So, again, we’re shopping at Target after a Friendly’s dinner and the urge came upon me. Fast and sure, because I had just sucked down about a liter and half of diet cola and my bladder can handle only so much.

So I left the kids with Mom in the toys and did the goosestep march across the store to the bathrooms. Then I rounded the corner of an aisle in the craft section and nearly went blind. Seriously. For there, before me, was a woman in her late 30s or early 40s, medium height and about 50 pounds overweight. She was bent over looking at paper goods on the bottom shelf and her jeans were dropping a bit. If it were a man you might think plumber’s crack.

But here’s the funny/tragic part. Pulled up on her back bacon, well out of her jeans, was a bit of bright red floss. Let me paint the picture even more clearly. This woman, this overinflated woman, was wearing a candy apple red thong. And I saw it. riding in and up as she bent over and shared her plumber butt with the world.

I gagged slightly, re-tasted my turkey supermelt, and then did what any modern american gentleman would be compelled by decency to do. I took a picture with my iPhone to show my wife later.

Yes, I still have it, and no, it will never grace the pages of this blog. I do have some modicum of taste, after all. That said, if you really want to see it, drop me a line.