I hate needing gas in the morning when I’m driving to work. My favorite place to stop on this particular route is not very accessible during the morning rush, so I have been trying out some new spots lately. The gas station I like the best is on a corner by a pretty low-fi intersection, so it is easy to get into and out of, but only if it is not busy. There are four pumps, 2 on each side, but the station has a really small footprint, and there is a small market with lotto, so it can get pretty crowded. A couple of guys buying scratch tickets and a delivery truck – even a small one – and you’re going to do some waiting trying to get either in or out. So, I have to eyeball this one carefully as I approach to make sure it is a worthwhile risk.

The next most desirable stop is about two miles further down the road and 3 or 4 cents more per gallon. It’s not a big price jump, but, you know…it’s still more. But it’s way better than the next station I was used when desperate which is another mile down the road and usually 10 or 11 cents more per gallon than the first place. Even though this third station is huge, with the most pumps, and is easy to get in and out, they really bang you on the price per gallon, so I try to stay away.

Anyway, back to the second station. This place has 6 double sided stations, so 12 possible pumps, though at least two pumps have been out of order every time I’ve stopped. And not always the same two. And it’s never the same stations (like both pumps, one on either side). This is also a corner location, and while the first place is right before an intersection, this one is right after an intersection, an intersection that is not much busier than the first one. So this place is usually even easier and faster to exit than the first station.

The only real problem with number two, other than the slightly higher price per gallon, is that it has an even larger market with lotto AND it has a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru. Most of the gas customers are actually pretty chill. You get some contractors filling machines and jerry cans on their trucks before starting the day. You get a lot of people just driving to work. You even see some kids who are on their way to the nearby high school, and I have to admit, the kids look pretty nice and wholesome. No rowdies here – it’s all Chess Club and Color Guard. They’re not looking for the best acne face wash…they’ve already found it.

But the Dunkin donuts is a problem. I mean a real problem. A serious problem. As I pump gas I watch the coffee fiends come flying into the lot. They drive between cars that are pumping gas rather than around like the painted arrows and half a dozen signs tell them to. Their tires  squeal and they just drive way too fast for a little parking lot that has so much foot traffic. All to be the first on line at the talk box. Seriously, while pumping gas I watch bleary-eyed coffee fiends casting furtive glances around, trying to nose out the banker in the Audi that just squealed in off the main road, trying to block the soccer mom in the Navigator who is sitting so far forward with rapt attention on the drive-thru lane that her forehead nearly touches the window. These people have blinders on, seriously.

Last time I was there, I nearly got clipped by a woman in a giant SUV that I’m quite certain never even saw my little sedan from the elevated perch of her Michigan-manufactured mobile mountain. A white-haired guy in a opalescent white Avalon with the gold trim package going the wrong way (if you care to pay attention to the directional painted arrows and pole mounted signs all around the lot) laid on the horn as a gas pumping customer attempted to cross in a marked cross walk with a kid of about kindergarten age. He was shouting something that probably would have been bleeped during prime time and gesturing provocatively at another car that used the hesitation to jet into the drive-thru lane first.

Look, I like a cup of coffee too, but people need to seriously chill out. If you have to behave like a complete asshole every day until you get your caffeine fix, maybe you should buy a freakin’ Mr. Coffee. Do I go around shoving everybody out of my way before I have my breakfast bourbon?

I didn’t think so.