I’ve noticed that more and more people are painting stuff on their cars. Business stuff. I’m still seeing the magnetic sign slapped on the side of their Ford F-150 offering affordable landscaping., but now there are other sites. One I’ve seen a lot is Loan Modifications. I’ve seen a few different Loan Modification vehicles around, my favorite being a massive Hummer with dollar bills painted all over it. I don’t know why, but it somehow makes me feel…dirty.

One time I saw a lawyer’s Volvo with a list of services painted on the hood: Wills and Trusts, Real Estate Closings, Non-Contested Divorces. Personally that’s not an 800 number I’d write down, but we all have different standards.

I’ve also seen a lot of Realtors with fancy paint jobs. I feel like they’re the ones who have really moved from the magnetic door sign to the all over paint job in a big way. Driving to work a couple weeks ago I saw a painted Realtor car. It was a Land Rover with pretty sweet paint job – a house with a nice lawn spreading around the front fender and onto the hood. Almost photographic in quality, and way better than any unicorn van job from the 70s. It had to cost a mint.

But the problem was the car was seriously dinged up. The bumper was pushed in and the driver side fender had a big dent. The driver’s door was all crumpled, like it had been driven too close to a tree. Way too close. I was thinking this guy might do better to advertise cheap car insurance or something. It must be a nightmare getting a car like that fixed, have to redo the whole paint job. He might need one of those loan modifications deals. Maybe he’ll catch site of the dude with the dollar bill Hummer.