My recent trip to the DMV in Millbrook has reminded me of a number of past experiences. One of my favorites was when I was in line with my Mom, when I was in High School. It was in Peekskill in the 80’s, when impatient douche bags on line would scream “Next! Next! Next!” as soon as a window opened to apparently shave a half second off the time it would take for the next person to move up. It was a hot bed of tension and nastiness and I witness ed a number of verbal battles.

On another occasion, I was actually present when a guy displayed a knife, apparently to cut to the front of the line, and one of the duty cops drew his gun to subdue the imbecile and take him into custody. Fantastic.

This particular occasion, I was behind a real Westchester douche pony with his son. He had a pink tennis Izod shirt with the collar turned up (yes, it was the 80’s)and he was about as condescending as a condescending prick can be. Think of any condescending pick in a John Hughes movie and multiply it by 2.74 and you will be halfway to how obnoxiously condescending this prick was. This guy would totally have benefited from a rapid detox and/or a three course coffee enema.

Anyway, the point of the whole story is that the guy had to take an eye test. I had to do the same the other day, and considering I could read everything down to line 15, the last line, without a problem, and I was only expected to read line 7, the eye test is no big deal. Nevertheless, Super Prick had his teenage son write down the entire eye chart while they waited on the 45 minute line (and yes, 45 minutes on line at the Peekskill DMV in the mid 80’s was nothing).

Then, when he got to a window and the clerk told him what line to read, he waited for her to look down at her form and then read it from his crib sheet. Yes, this middle aged genital wart could not read the eye chart and went so far as to enlist the aid of his teenage son to cheat on the test. I learned a real lesson about road safety from that near-sighted clown that day.

Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of…

blood staining the pavement?