No, no, I’m not referring to that delightful little film about crime in the gritty 90s, questionably moral cops versus honorable but misguided crooks… I’m talking about the physical, steaming, sweltering, excruciating, sweaty heat. Maybe it’s not really the heat. Maybe it’s the humidity. Whatever. Maybe dry heat would be better. Who cares? The point is I feel very hot and I want my air conditioner to work.

That’s right, my brand new, thousands of dollars to install while the addition was going on because the old unit had a fried compressor central air conditioning unit. It went in over a month ago, but we had to wrestle with the plumber for over a month to actually get it fired up. And then we had this little problem with an improperly attached drain so gallons of water poured through the master bedroom ceiling. (That was last week – I probably didn’t mention it because my blood pressure is already in the “could fly without an airplane” zone.

So the pipe is now fixed and the ceiling will eventually be fixed and everybody was in the house on Sunday for the boys’ birthdays and my little sweeties Christening and the air conditioner ran all day. and I’m pretty sure it actually drove the temperature up. Dude, we are so in WTF land at this point.

So I called the guy yesterday and we did a little experiment since he thought I was exaggerating. I actually taped a portable digital thermometer to one of the registers and ran the system for 15 minutes. He called me back to check n the temp and it had moved 4 tenths of a degree south. In 15 minutes. And actually, I think that’s generous, because I was watching the temp jack up while I was handling the thermometer and getting the tape on it.

Now the system seems to be functioning just like it did before the new unit was installed. When we had the old unit with the busted compressor. Oh crap.

Somebody is supposed to come adjust it tonight. Or fix it. Or just play with it. Or maybe not show up for 3 or 4 days, since that is how it has usually played out over the last 6 weeks or so. But after this relatively mild summer, these past few ridiculously humid days are taking their toll on everyone’s morale and I can’t help thinking, maybe now is the time to be looking for hot (no pun intended) deals to Miami.