Can you tell me what is up with people lately? I know there’s a lot of stress in the world right now. We’re all suffering form declining property values, increased cost of living, and seriously reduced opportunity for personal advancement. I get it. Rossi Burgundy is up to $15 a gallon in some places. It’s practically freakin’ Armageddon.

But seriously, is it just me or have you noticed how NASTY people are. People are driving like maniacs and bitching like mad in public. I heard a nun muttering in Stop & Shop in the coffee aisle and I’m pretty sure her ramblings included the phrase “fucking Colombians.”

Egads. I got blocked into a parking space by a white mini bus with a big handicapped sign -the kind of bus you sometimes see groups of the mentally challenged on an outing. He pulled into the space next to mine at and angle, so close to my rear bumper that I’m not sure I could back out, even if I cut the wheel hard. He came out as I was loading Noah into his car seat and was giving me attitude. Like I was holding him up or something.

Do people have vinegar pumping out of their shower faucets? Or urine? Or hot sauce? Or some hellish mix of mustard powder and Cisco?

I’m thinking I need to get a good stash of bum wine and set up a table in front of the mall. You know how you see some dude behind a table outside the mall and you think he’s going to ask for donations for little league or whatever in a town you’ve never even driven through? Well, what if you saw that table, and while you were trying to walk by without making eye contact, some freaky 35 year old dude in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt was like, “Hey, you look like you need a free shot of Mad Dog. I’ve got Grape Wine and Berry flavor. What can I get you?”

Tell me that wouldn’t rock your Saturday afternoon. At least for a minute and a half until you saw that 17 year old schmuck who almost ran you over in the parking lot with his BMW Mini five minutes ago. But hey, a 90 second break in your crap-ass day is better than nothing, right? I think this is an investment in humanity that I’m willing to make.