I’m really trying to get my Star Wars double trilogy on, so this may be shorter than the earlier Parts. Don’t miss Part I, Part II, Part III, or Part IV for the background.

I finally got to the front of the line. I had watched scores of people go through the motions – the crotchety old lady, the skanks, a nice young guy with a suspended license who needed to get his points down so he could legally drive to work, etc. Now it was my turn.

The officer was seated at a municipal steel desk. As I approached, rehearsing my story in my head, he gestured to a red plastic chair. I accepted his offer and took the seat. I showed him my letter, folded so that my name was easily visible. I said my name quietly at the same time so as not to be rude, but I find it is easier for people in these circumstances to see my written name than to try and hear me say it. Part of this compulsion is, I think, because I have a slight speech impediment – I have trouble with the letter ‘r.’ If you listen closely, and unless I am trying, I say my name a little more like “Dwoo” than you’d expect. Again, nobody seems to notice, but I am self-conscious about it.

Anyway, the cop dug out my file, gave it a quick once over and then offered me a deal. He spoke nonstop for about a minute and a half and I never even got a chance to give my story. Not that it mattered, of course. This was quicker.

Basically, he told me that I had been clocked at 53 in a 30 which is a 6 point offense. The 6 points warrants an immediate $300 addition to my fine (which would have been $200 I think). He said he was willing to reduce it to 40 in a 30, 3 license points. I told him I was concerned about points causing my insurance to go up because my license is otherwise clean and point-free. He said if my license is clean I should not worry about 3 points. He then said that the DMV does not notify insurance companies about points. He said that as long as I don’t tell them, my insurance won’t go up. (So, don’t tell them, ok?)

Not only were my worries soon to end, but I felt, in some teeny tiny way, like I was in collusion with this officer of the law. Sweet.

The officer pointed to Courtroom B and told me to go through the metal detectors and wait for the judge. He told me what the judge would say and that I should just agree. It was all pretty easy and made a lot of sense for me. Yes, I would have to pay $150 ($100 for the speeding offense, and $50 in fees and surcharges), but that beats the obligation of $500 or so that I started the day with.

I stood, thanked the officer, and extended my hand. Surprise flashed behind his eyes for a fraction of a second, and then it resolved to a sort of standard, cop smile. But it wasn’t smug. He wasn’t rolling his eyes or humoring me. He shook my hand, and I really believe it made his day a hair better. Maybe only a very small hair, but that’s better than nothing, right?