Ninja Floss

  • by Drew

A couple months back I did a review of a Dentek flavored floss pick product. It was, I think, targeted to the youth market, and my 7 year old helped me out. Recently I was offered the chance to do a review of another Dentek product, their new Custom Comfort Floss*. This stuff is made by winding two relatively thin strands of floss together to successfully clean the tightest spaces between teeth. I tested the stuff on myself, my kids and my wife and we all agree that it is pretty effective in those tight spots.

My oldest son, in particular, has ridiculously narrow spaces between his teeth. On several occassions in the past year I’ve torn the floss right off the pick as I tried to work it in there. So, in his case, this is complete clean floss, it really does the job. I even got a little silly making my own video review this time. Check it.

I don’t know if this narrower floss is beneficial to everyone, all the time. You definitely feel the difference when this is between your teeth and against your gums. I suppose if you have exceptionally large spaces between your teeth, or if you have really tender gums, this might be a less attractive option. But for getting into the tight spaces…you really can’t beat it.

*This review is a result of a feedback campaign by DenTek Oral Care Inc. The recipients were asked to give their honest opinion about the product they received. Good reviews were not incentivized and poor reviews will not be censored for their opinion of the product.

That’s Okay…

  • by Drew

“It’s colder in this house than anywhere in Boston. It’s okay, Christmas means little to me.”

That’s a lyric from an old Fuzzy song – pretty close anyway. Man, I used to love Fuzzy, even shared the stage with them one time. I’m sure I remember it far better than they do.

The song just popped into my head and set me on another one of those thought-spirals that go nowhere, but oh, what a ride. I was thinking about some of the apartments I lived in, particularly back in the day, back in Boston. I think of these relatively small houses. Or rather, decent sized houses, but with room after room. I mean, you could really cram a lot of rooms into one of those houses. And you could cram a lot of people and stuff in, too. Built-in shelves and such helped in that you needed less furniture, but there was just so much less wasted space. seriously.

I love my house. I really do. And the addition upstairs means we have a bunch of smaller rooms instead of two big ones. More nooks and crannies, too. And though it is pretty new construction, I feel that it is reasonably unpretentious. I would like a cooler kitchen, and if ever we renovate, that is where I would be willing to kick it up. Nicer, solid surface counter tops instead of laminate. Probably not copper kitchen sinks or convection ovens in our future, but some nice granite or marble, maybe. I mean, it is the room we spend the most time in.

But I think about some of those tight little apartments. Those little spaces I crammed so much into. White walls covered with the glossy printed temporary colors of my presence. Surround sound was not really necessary. Big screens…didn’t need one of those either. Different time, different priorities. No kids. But…not so bad, either.

So, Fuzzy. I’ve always loved Christmas, but it means more to me now than ever before. Kids and a fire in the stove, and no Boston… It’s not an anti-Christmas song, by the way. At least, it seems much more of a break up song. A you-broke-my-heart-and-even-though-I’m-lonely-on-Christmas-I’m-going-to-deny-it-and-be-alright. It walks a tightrope between depressing and empowering. Remember when pop songs could do that?

“Silent night and all the lights are low…”

Silent Night

  • by Drew

See if you can follow this wacko train of thought…

All this truck talk got me thinking about NASCAR. I don’t know, I just associate the big rigs with racing. Is that so wrong? And then I started thinking about this guy Earl who was on of the bosses in the dining hall when I worked there in college. Earl was a big NASCAR fan, and he told me a detailed anecdote about an Eddie Rabbit performance…about 15 years ago. So I thought about the modern performance roster at a race, and realized that a good candidate might be Jessica Simpson (when she takes a break from hawking acne treatments) which reminded me of Christmas a few years back.

It was 2001, the first Christmas after the towers fell. There was a big thing at Rockefeller Center and all sorts of people performed. There was Liz Phair in a tragic performance that involved bad microphones and…well, not the best. And there was that Fireman who did a kind of opera thing.

Then Jessica came out and did Silent Night. And when I say she “did” it. Well, maybe “did it” is the proper way to quote it. I mean, she was pale and blond with massively pver painted lips and she more or less fellated the mic. Maybe this sells records to the good Christian boys and girls, but man, it was seriously tasteless. Yeah dude, good times.

…and boy are my arms tired

  • by Drew

I just flew back from the corporate home office and my arms are really tired. No, that’s not a really bad joke. Well, actually, it is a really bad joke, but I’m not making the joke. My arms really are tired. Yesterday was a day of minor wind delays. Not major delays or cancellations, just minor delays. But that made it a good day to try and jump on an earlier flight that had been delayed, in anticipation of my regularly scheduled flight also being delayed. I was able to pull this off on the first leg of my journey, but the connection…well, the guy was being a schmuck, so I had to wait.

The thing is, I was running around airports, particularly the ever-lovin’ hub in Philadelphia, with my one stuffed carry-on in hand, checking flight status on the good old iPhone. That bag started getting a little heavy, and thus…tired arms.

Anyway, all that running raises in my mind a question. Maybe you have an answer, dear reader, maybe not. But here it is – why do the old ladies always step in front of me in tight squeezes so I am forced to cut my speed to a quarter of what I desire it to be. And I’m not talking about spry old ladies in their big hats and Hawaiian shirts. I’m talking about those spindle legged old crones with Santa bellies, wobbling between a cane and a rolling suitcase that no airline is going to let her carry on. I mean, suck it up and pay the fee and stop reminiscing about two-seater biplane rides. I don’t want to be standing behind your argument with the flight attendant with the “I never heard of such a thing” and “this is the last time I fly this airline” nonsense. Let’s face you nasty old social security disability biddy, this is probably the last time you fly any airline, anywhere. Period.

Demanification

  • by Drew

Interesting article in Popular Science recently – it would seem that the bass population is feminizing. That would be bass rhyming with ass, you know the fish. Not bass rhyming with ace, as in four-string lowenders. They’re always hopelessly masculine. Even the chicks.

The article and so-called science blame pollution for this problem…and it is a problem. Not only is the bass porn industry suffering from a sharp decline in customers, but this could ultimately lead to a decreased bass population because the male fish are turning female. They are actually turning female. Their little fish sacks (or whatever) are becoming useless and they are beginning to produce infertile eggs. Supposedly some species of fish do this naturally (probably those commie fish swimming around Chernobyl) but not bass. Not bass.

Before you start thinking I’m somehow homophobic – which would be stupid because these are not gay fish, they are more like…what? Transgender? But seriously, I have always been well in touch with my feminine side – so much so that half my family thought I was gay during part of the 90s. No lie. I was actually encouraged to move in with an ex-girlfriend because they were uncomfortable with my male roommate. I explained that we were both quite straight but you would have thought we were on a water polo team or something the way they fretted. So yes, I could pretty much franchise the whole sensitive new age guy thing circa 1996.

But these science geeks have the bass thing all wrong. It’s not pollution that’s weirding up these fish. No way. It’s the fashion industry. Yup, you read that correctly. I believe the blame sits squarely with the fashion industry.

Seriously. Check out the clothes available for winter. Puffer vests and coats. PUFFER VESTS. Do you really know any self-respecting dude who would go out in public wearing a puffer vest? Christ, puffer is what my kids call flatulence.

“Daddy, I made a puffer, tee-hee.”
“I know son, it’s making my incredibly gay vest so balloon-y.” 

I saw something in a circular (and yes, gentle reader, the guy who admits to reading sales circulars from department stores has the nerve to call someone else gay) this morning – a faux shearling microsuede coat, available in these colors: taupe or sunset.

Somewhere, Lee Marvin makes a puffer after pulling a 12 pound bass from a river of toxic runoff. Charles Bronson puts a firm hand on his shoulder and says, “Nice work sweet cheeks, now let me clean that little she-meal for you.”

Mocha Monday

  • by Drew

Well, Black Friday 2009 has come and (almost) gone. Another high point in my day to day observation of the human condition. Ah, humanity…

Yeah.

Actually, once again, I didn’t really get it. I mean, I read the flyers and checked what would be on sale. In truth, most of the good stuff wasn’t even on sale that much. I mean, if you track the toy sales like I do, you start noticing trends, and the Black Friday prices for most stuff weren’t that impressive. There were a few steep discounts on particularly cool Lego sets and things like that, but it doesn’t really grab me. I would much prefer to buy several large cool Agents sets or Space Cop sets over one large Indiana Jones or Star Wars set. Three sets for $40 might not be so bad. One set for $60 is out of hand, I don’t care if it is 50% off.

Thankfully, my kids tend to agree with this line of thinking.

And don’t even mention the TVs and such. Sure they have some deep discounts, assuming you get one of the 5 or 10 guaranteed in stock. This year it was reported that several big stores guaranteed as few as 3 units of several of the most desireable items. Are you F-ing kidding me?

And you do know the other deep dark dirty secret, right? A lot of the big retailers like Walmart will sell a name brand TV like a Sony at a steep discount. At first glance it will appear to be the same model that other stores have for hundreds of dollars more, but you better check those model numbers. Look for unfamiliar model numbers or extra characters in the model number. It turns out that places like Walmart are notorious for offering products that appear to be the same as what the other guys, but are of inferior quality. TVs with fewer connections and no cables in the box, computers with inferior chipsets or inadequate RAM, GPS units that look like the ones in the other store, but maybe a few features are missing, or they don’t have the full hemisphere map set, just the continental US…maybe there’s no usb connection to upgrade the maps.

I don’t want to sound like a Conspiracy Theorist or Walmart hater and I’m not…at least not the former. These are facts. Consumer advocacy groups know that the big bad blue guys play these games every year, but it doesn’t end. And that’s why people get injured or even trampled in the stampede. And that’s why all the cops in Kingston were pulling down time and a half this morning.

Forget about Black Friday sale prices. Forget about seasonal business gifts from local merchants. Forget about free coffee with your three chocolate frosted and two jellies. Nothing beats approved overtime as we roll into the holidays.

Well, the hype is behind us. Another Black Friday goes into the history books and we can hear the distillations from the so-called experts come Monday. Swell.

Covered

  • by Drew

Today I handed in my health insurance paperwork at work. Another year, another increase in costs and decrease in overall benefits. Actually, I shouldn’t complain. My company has done an exceptional job of keeping benefits intact this year. I mean, we are switching providers for the 5th or 6th time in 8 years, but that seems to be par for the course.

It seems the varies insurance carriers will low-ball a company to get them on board, and then jack the plan rates in the second or third year. So what happens? The company goes looking for the next carrier. Wow, that seems like a good use of resources, huh?

With all these second and third rate b-school graduates out there, hasn’t anyone figured out that long-term customer retention is pretty much a requirement for successful businesses? And customer churn is the kiss of death? Don’t they teach that in business school or do they spend all their time doing trust falls and discussing the manufacture of widgets?

Seriously, we are being crippled by insurance. Health insurance, unemployment insurance, business insurance, disability insurance, property insurance, auto insurance. I think I saw an ad for insurance insurance the other day. It protects you from insurance when your insurance is not properly insured. Or something.

Jack Frost Nipping

  • by Drew

It’s getting cold, kids. I kept hearing this was going to be a bitter cold winter, so I’m a little surprised at how mild it has been so far. Now exactly breaking out the heated blanket just yet. But I guess time will tell. When we hit February, we’ll see how I’m feeling. Maybe, not so hot after all, right?

It is nice to get the woodstove running, though. I love the smell of the wood. It’s not just the burning, but it’s that wonderful smoky, smell. It gets on my hands and makes me think of these delicious smoked almonds my Aunt used to have in her basement. They were in cans, part of a holiday gift or something. I was forever asking for those. She must have had a dozen cans.

I remember one time, when they’d been gone for ages, maybe years, we were cleaning out her basement and we found a can. The last can in the back of the pantry. It was this wonderful discovery, better than pirate treasure. We had smoked almonds and ginger ale in her little den. So good.

You can roast all the chestnuts over open fires that you want. I’ll take a can of roasted almonds by the woodstove any day.

Growth

  • by Drew

I just read a great article on green gardening. Funny concept, huh? Green gardening. But it is an important concept. After all, there’s a good way to do things and a bad way. Avoid chemicals, use natural compost, capture water in rain barrels, use native or local plants, and use plantings that draw butterflies and bees.

I also like the concept of a runoff garden. It’s a great way to deal with areas where natural runoff pools and puddles and wrecks your yard. Proper plantings and strategically buried clumps of stone allow drainage. It minimizes erosion and, hopefully, reduces the swamp effect. I have a spot in my front yard that needs this kind of attention.

How long until Spring?

Pronounced wah-fur

  • by Drew

Seriously, as we rocket toward the holidays, going out in public is like an appetite suppressant. Everywhere I look I see angry large people. And that means a lot coming from me. Look, I’m just under 6 feet and my weight hovers between 230 and 235. Now I have broad shoulders and a wide frame, so I don’t look huge or orca fat or anything. I mean, I have the  little belly and love handles I’ve always had, but I actually wear smaller waisted pants than a portion of my teen years.

So I’m not just casting stones here. I know that I could easily lose 20 pounds without any fear of being dangerously underweight. Still, the amounts of excess flesh on display these days is sickening. I mean, if your arms are bigger than my thigh, please don’t go sleeveless. If you have to cram your body into jeans, and there is a rippling swell of blubber spilling over the top like thick tasty hot fudge, please avoid halter tops.

If you are overweight, I don’t care how old or young you are, please, for the love of God, do not tie your t-shirt like a Hooters waitress. It may make your boobs look bigger, but come on…don’t you have a mirror in your trailer?

Okay, I’m starting to sound mean but I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’m cranky. And anyway, according to the charts of weight and height I am morbidly obese. Seriously, according to the standard published material I am one cupcake away from explosion.

Or maybe one Meaning of Life biscuit…it’s wafer thin.

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