At the beginning of the summer I got covered in spots. I thought it was poison ivy,but no. It was some weird viral rosacea thing. And I mean, seriously, I was covered. And it was nasty. And I still have traces of it, believe it or not. Man, you wouldn’t believe the scarring that is still hanging on. Maybe by next summer it’ll be clear. Who knows.

Nobody really notices anymore, but in its prime, man, I heard a lot of nonsense. On the one hand I got a story from a dude who thought it was psoriasis, saying I shouldn’t worry if it was because his psoriasis kept him out of Vietnam. On the other hand I had a woman suggest I spread mayonnaise on it. And of course, I got all the advice about one a day vitamins and distilled water cleansing and the healing power of the routine colonic. From strangers, no less. I’m surprised I didn’t get the Big Fat Greek Wedding advice of spraying it with Windex.

Oh wait, I did get that advice, but I have to be honest, it was just my wife making a joke.