So I lost my wedding ring a few weeks ago.

I know. I’m a very bad person and I don’t deserve the love of my wonderful wife who puts up with my ridiculous shenanigans.

In my defense (sort of) I am 99% certain the ring is in my house, though 50/50 as to which of two possible locations I put it down. And there’s the defense part. I’m pretty sure (and my darling dearest concurs) that my PITA kittens knocked it off the kitchen cabinet/basement desk where I left it (again, not sure which). It is most likely enmeshed in a tumbleweed of cat fur in the deep recesses beneath a piece of very heavy furniture.

Now I offered to buy a replacement, even if it is temporary, but wife shook it off. There are inexpensive silver or tungsten rings that would do the job, right? I mean, as long as my finger is naked, and the ring-finger suntan is even and dark, I’m a free agent, right? You think she’d want to reclaim her 238 pounds of prize masculinity before some neighborhood milf starts throwing me the lordy, lordy, almost forty glance of beck and call.

Yup. I’m a very bad person.