Wouldn’t it be kind of cute if there were baby vampires? I mean, not those freaky high-speed horror movie vampires coming after you in the middle of the night or anything. I just mean, well, I don’t know. Can’t you just see the vampire family hanging out in their living room in the middle of the night? Picture it.

There’s baby vampire, sucking on a bottle of plasma while Mommy V rocks in her shermag glider and cuddles him close. No, I don’t think nursing would come into play. And there’s Daddy in his wool, button down sweater, chuckling as Toddler Vamp gnaws his pacifier.

“Do you think we should take away his puggie?” Momma Vampire asks.

“Why?” says Dad.

“We don’t want his fangs to come in crooked,” replies Mom.

“And braces are so expensive and I just lost my dental coverage,” adds Dad.

Ahhhh, just another night at home with the Vampire family.