I know this guy who works for this liquor distributor and sometimes he shows me cool stuff. Almost a year ago he showed me a vodka that had just been released. It’s called Bong vodka. The bottle is shaped, well, like a bong. There is even a little plastic medallion on the front that can apparently be popped out for conversion from vodka vessel to water pipe. He pointed that out to me. I think it’s considered a selling point.

A few months later he showed me Stolichnaya’s new high-end vodka, Stoli Elit. It comes in a ridiculously tall, skinny bottle, with a heavy metal topper. Somewhat phallic. I said something like, “First you had the bong, now what’s this…dildo vodka?” We had a nice chuckle. A nice, long chuckle. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Who knew what was coming – (no giggles).

Today he showed me some premium tequila from AsomBroso. They do the standard three variations, but they certainly do it their way. first, the tasting notes:

• El Platino: Silver – which has a killer bite, very big on the black pepper, and very good.
• La Rosa: Reposado – They age it in used Bordeaux barrels where it develops a pink hue and a distinctly floral aroma and flavor. A little perfumey for me, but very interesting, and somewhat smoother than the silver.
• Anejo: Anejo (no fancy name). It spends 5 years in oak, so it’s very smooth and balanced. Very nice and incredibly expensive. On the shelf around $200 for a 750ml bottle. He told me they’re serving it in bars for like $30 a shot. He gave me a little and I was like, “it looks like you poured me about $11.50 worth.”

Here’s the thing: the bottle. I thought Stoli Elit was phallic. Oh man. This thing could do some damage. Seriously, they could have called this Dong Tequila. I’d pay $30 for a shot of John Holmes Anejo, wouldn’t you? Enjoy at your own risk.

Click here to see it.

*With apologies to Isaac Hayes.