Life
All the rain we’ve been having lately has been putting a big hold on my outdoor big screen movie parties. Damn damn damn. The grill cover has a hole in it so the Char-Broil is sweatin’ like it’s Richard Simmonsing the oldies. The cushions on the patio are just sopping. It’s a mess mess mess and we should all be concerned. Seriously. There’s like a pond worthy of 15th century explorers in my front yard.
Life
So I lost my wedding ring a few weeks ago.
I know. I’m a very bad person and I don’t deserve the love of my wonderful wife who puts up with my ridiculous shenanigans.
In my defense (sort of) I am 99% certain the ring is in my house, though 50/50 as to which of two possible locations I put it down. And there’s the defense part. I’m pretty sure (and my darling dearest concurs) that my PITA kittens knocked it off the kitchen cabinet/basement desk where I left it (again, not sure which). It is most likely enmeshed in a tumbleweed of cat fur in the deep recesses beneath a piece of very heavy furniture.
Now I offered to buy a replacement, even if it is temporary, but wife shook it off. There are inexpensive silver or tungsten rings that would do the job, right? I mean, as long as my finger is naked, and the ring-finger suntan is even and dark, I’m a free agent, right? You think she’d want to reclaim her 238 pounds of prize masculinity before some neighborhood milf starts throwing me the lordy, lordy, almost forty glance of beck and call.
Yup. I’m a very bad person.
Life
On my recent trip to Kansas City, I stayed several nights in a Westin Hotel with a cool program. The globe trotters among my readers have surely encountered this before, but I think it is worth noting. They actually offer an option for no room tidying while you are there. No one comes in and makes your bed or refills your soaps. It is a way to reduce washing linens and towels while you’re there, waste fewer cleaning supplies, and overall reduce housekeeping costs.
There was a daily discount to their lobby restaurant as a perk which was nice, but I would have jumped at this opportunity. I loved not worrying about running to the gym and coming back to find that housekeeping cart parked outside my door. Really, I can make my own bed. And if I needed anything like extra soaps or coffee, I just had to ask.
They refer to it as a “green” program, and in some ways it surely is. But for me, it was also a bit of added convenience.
Life
Actually, just back from being on the road. I was in Kansas City for about 8 days. And before you ask, let me tell you – I was in both Kansas City, Missouri AND Kansas City, Kansas. I know… breathtaking wonder in every word.
What do they take very seriously in KC? On specific order, these are some of the points of distinction I uncovered through observation and conversation with the natives:
– Barbecue
– Fountains
– Statues
– War Memorials
– Mexican and Vietnamese hole-in-the-wall Restaurants that are “actually really good.”
Who knew?
I mean, besides the millions of people who live there.
Life
I’ve been hearing about a lot of canine corruption lately. A number of friends with dogs have been dealing with flashing teeth and claws. It seems like there’s a growing market for the good old San Diego dog bite attorney these days. Maybe we’ll see the Puppy Police in action, storming the walls of Greenwich puppy palaces and Cancun canine resorts where the mutts just can’t keep it civil.
Me? I’m happy with the cats. Sure, one of the kittens makes a run outside every couple of weeks and we end up slogging through the woods after her indoor-ass for a half hour, but at leats we don’t have to worry that she’s going to lay the biteth down on another pup or a kid.
It’s the little things.
Life
That’s not a typo. We didn’t have any beef and bean-related frights if that’s what you were thinking. actually, it’s our fridge. A bit over a year ago our old fridge died a horrid death. It was Memorial Day weekend as I recall, and we had to do some work to find the replacement. And replace it we did!
In fact, I have absolutely loved the replacement (despite the refrigerator-sized price tag) for more than a year. Until the freezer temperature started skyrocketing last week. All the alarms and readouts and other lovely electronics on the inside door panel suddenly started going apeshit. For reals.
I was all goedekers.com, here I come (or here I .com for the lighthearted among you). Luckily, though, it was all related to the frequent power blips we experience up here in horse country, and the little beast just needed a good old fashioned reset. That being the ol’ pull it out and push it in of the power plug.
And once again… we have ice.
Noise
Sometimes I spill a bunch of nonsense. I know it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It’s just how I have to roll some days. But really, tell the truth, don’t you get a kick out of it? At least sometimes, right? Here, check this out: Raleigh creditor rights bankruptcy lawyers.
You’re like “what the… is he on drugs?” then you think, hmmm… after following his Dylan advice you suspect I may be a little unbalanced. You recall that my brother lives in NC and it comes up here once in a while. You know I sometimes have issues with legal entities and creditors. Hmmm. Maybe I should just hit you with a little Bob, in case you haven’t yet followed my advice.
Rosemary started drinking hard and seeing her reflection in the knife
She was tired of the attention tired of playing the role of Big Jim’s wife
She had done a lot of bad things even once tried suicide
Was looking to do just one good deed before she died
She was gazing to the future riding on the Jack of Hearts.
Noise
Listen.
I don’t know what you’re into these days, but you should go find a copy of Blood on the Tracks by Bob Dylan. Or just do a Web search for Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts. It is not one of his best songs. I mean, musically. But it is a great story. It is just a great, fun, crazy ass story. If you go through life without spending 9 minutes in a dim room doing nothing other than listening to this song, you are less of a person for it. Seriously. This is bucket list shit. If you can’t spend 99 cent son this, or borrow the record from someone, you’re a dick. I have it on cassette, vinyl and CD. I will totally let you borrow it.
Is it the greatest song in the world? Hell no. the band fucks up at the beginning. Listen. They play an extra couple of bars because Bob misses his intro. It’s fucking GREAT. It’s what music once was. Great stories performed by a bunch of musicians and captured as a moment in time. Not this plastic shit we have come to expect. This level of raw awesome was the Indie Rock of its day. Don’t be a dickwad. Find ten minutes and close yourself up in a room and pretend you’re in a smoky dorm room with a couple of cool kid upperclassmen.
Hey, be super extra awesome and listen with headphones. If you’ve got a decent pair of headphones and the CD (earbuds and iTunes generally fail on this part) you can actually hear a recording studio anomaly in the first section. You can hear where they were recording over tape that was previously spliced. Because the splice removes a very short segment of recordable media from the process, there’s a fraction of a second of nothing. The aural effect is kind of similar to what a cassette tape sounded like when the tape flipped over. Over 30, you might have heard that in your walkman a couple times. Listen for it. You will be a better person for having spent the time. Your children will love you more. If you’re a guy, your dick will be a little bigger. Ladies, your breasts will be exactly the same size because, let’s face it, they are totally perfect just the way they are. But your bra will be a little more comfortable. Trust me. This shit is golden.
I mean it.
Listen.
Life
I know it is irrational, but I get REALLY pissed off when my kids talk about certain video games and related properties that originated when I was younger than they are now and they get it all wrong. An example of this is the current popularity of talking about various Mario Brothers games. Where I go nuts is when the kids say Mario Bros. and pronounce the abbreviation of Brothers as it is written – Bros. As in Bros before Hoes.
Look, I know it is how the logo is written and all that. I know the box reads Super Mario Bros. But everyone in his or her right mind speaks it aloud as Super Mario Brothers. Regardless of abbreviations. Seriously? Am I unreasonable? If these little pishers expect to be playing at some grandstand video game championship surrounded by Sightlines Spectator Seating and tens of thousands of fans, they need to get the simple stuff right. Right?
Life
Is that actually still a thing? I mean, are Raybans still a thing? I am hopelessly clueless when it comes to sunglasses… in terms of coolness and fashion sense and all that. As a lifelong coke-bottle-glasses guy with really bad astigmatism in both eyes, I never really grasped the coolest of shades. Yeah, there was a period of years when I had contact lenses and all that, but it was a while ago. Actually, that’s back when my boy Don was singing about Wayfarers in the Summer. Geez, I’m getting old.