Time for a change

  • by Drew

I’ve got this insurance agent I’ve been working with for quite a few years. I got his name from my Mom, and I always thought he was pretty good. But in a few recent transactions I’ve come to find that he might not be the nicest guy in the world. I remember back in the day when he had a secretary who always answered the phone at his office, but lately I’m pretty sure that the secretary and office are gone and he’s more or less working off his cell phone out of his car. In addition, in buying our last car a year or so ago, and even more recently in refinancing our mortgage, I discovered that this agent is, well, kind of a dick. Yeah, he’s super rude. I mean, not to me, but to the people who are representing me and doing things like dealing with the insurance company so I don’t have to. I don’t really need my agent being a total schmuck to…well, anybody, so I think I need some fresh car insurance quotes…homeowner’s too.

Did I say huck or yuck?

  • by Drew

Following on my Kubrick-ian review of blue huck towels, I submit this, my sequel, for your approval. All huckles and chuckles aside, this is a more or less true story of backseat cleanup a couple weeks ago. And lest you think this is all a big joke, let me emphasize that never before has a kitchen towel performed so well in the backseat.

Yeah, I’m going to just walk away from that one.

 I understand that my video offers a trifecta of difficulties for the viewer, namely:

1. Crappy battery life cuts off the last sentence.
2. Not much in the way of a pretty spokesperson.
3. It’s a story about a kid throwing up!

Still, I want to make sure that my feelings about these towels are clear and true – they are tough and sturdy and they clean up the yuke as good as any paper towel I’ve ever used.

Rock and roll.

Huck it Up Blue

  • by Drew

This is not the first time I have agreed to review products here, just the most recent. In this case I was given some cleaning products to test, and today I got to work with my blue huck towel. These are more or less shop towels, except they’re not the standard red I am used to. They feel a little coarse, though not particularly scratchy, and I thought that I would explore a unique alternative use for such a towel (as in, not kitchen use).

That said, I apologize for the darkness of my video. I am struggling with an old-school battery-gobbling camera in a dark garage with not the best acting talent… but I think you’ll get the point. And just think – if these towels can rubout most of a deep key scratch in black automotive paint, how effective will it be applying stainless steel appliance polish to your stainless steel appliances.

Sheesh, maybe that should have been my video. Much better light in the kitchen.

Time to Eat the Donuts

  • by Drew

I hate needing gas in the morning when I’m driving to work. My favorite place to stop on this particular route is not very accessible during the morning rush, so I have been trying out some new spots lately. The gas station I like the best is on a corner by a pretty low-fi intersection, so it is easy to get into and out of, but only if it is not busy. There are four pumps, 2 on each side, but the station has a really small footprint, and there is a small market with lotto, so it can get pretty crowded. A couple of guys buying scratch tickets and a delivery truck – even a small one – and you’re going to do some waiting trying to get either in or out. So, I have to eyeball this one carefully as I approach to make sure it is a worthwhile risk.

The next most desirable stop is about two miles further down the road and 3 or 4 cents more per gallon. It’s not a big price jump, but, you know…it’s still more. But it’s way better than the next station I was used when desperate which is another mile down the road and usually 10 or 11 cents more per gallon than the first place. Even though this third station is huge, with the most pumps, and is easy to get in and out, they really bang you on the price per gallon, so I try to stay away.

Anyway, back to the second station. This place has 6 double sided stations, so 12 possible pumps, though at least two pumps have been out of order every time I’ve stopped. And not always the same two. And it’s never the same stations (like both pumps, one on either side). This is also a corner location, and while the first place is right before an intersection, this one is right after an intersection, an intersection that is not much busier than the first one. So this place is usually even easier and faster to exit than the first station.

The only real problem with number two, other than the slightly higher price per gallon, is that it has an even larger market with lotto AND it has a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru. Most of the gas customers are actually pretty chill. You get some contractors filling machines and jerry cans on their trucks before starting the day. You get a lot of people just driving to work. You even see some kids who are on their way to the nearby high school, and I have to admit, the kids look pretty nice and wholesome. No rowdies here – it’s all Chess Club and Color Guard. They’re not looking for the best acne face wash…they’ve already found it.

But the Dunkin donuts is a problem. I mean a real problem. A serious problem. As I pump gas I watch the coffee fiends come flying into the lot. They drive between cars that are pumping gas rather than around like the painted arrows and half a dozen signs tell them to. Their tires  squeal and they just drive way too fast for a little parking lot that has so much foot traffic. All to be the first on line at the talk box. Seriously, while pumping gas I watch bleary-eyed coffee fiends casting furtive glances around, trying to nose out the banker in the Audi that just squealed in off the main road, trying to block the soccer mom in the Navigator who is sitting so far forward with rapt attention on the drive-thru lane that her forehead nearly touches the window. These people have blinders on, seriously.

Last time I was there, I nearly got clipped by a woman in a giant SUV that I’m quite certain never even saw my little sedan from the elevated perch of her Michigan-manufactured mobile mountain. A white-haired guy in a opalescent white Avalon with the gold trim package going the wrong way (if you care to pay attention to the directional painted arrows and pole mounted signs all around the lot) laid on the horn as a gas pumping customer attempted to cross in a marked cross walk with a kid of about kindergarten age. He was shouting something that probably would have been bleeped during prime time and gesturing provocatively at another car that used the hesitation to jet into the drive-thru lane first.

Look, I like a cup of coffee too, but people need to seriously chill out. If you have to behave like a complete asshole every day until you get your caffeine fix, maybe you should buy a freakin’ Mr. Coffee. Do I go around shoving everybody out of my way before I have my breakfast bourbon?

I didn’t think so.

The Drop Zone

  • by Drew

I frequently work at home, but on the days I go to the office, the last minute or so of my drive gets a little…challenging. My office is on the second floor of a shopping plaza, a big shopping plaza. There’s a grocery store and a Chinese buffet place and a big chain pharmacy and a bunch of shops and such. You can get subs, bagels and coffee, liquor, etc. You can even do some banking and pet supply shopping. And all the way at one end is a day care place. a huge day care place.

To get to my office I park in the back of the building for easy access to the stairs. The thing is, to get to the back, I have to drive around the side of the building with the day care, and while most customers of the ground floor businesses park in front of the building, the day care parents park in the back. I say parents but I should say Moms and housekeepers because the Dads, I almost never see Dads. Maybe one in a hundred droppers-off is a Dad. Or man servant of some stripe.

Anyway, the clusterf*ck behind the daycare is astounding. At least 80% of the women exceed 300 pounds, they all drive SUVs (and not little crossovers – I’m talking the Big Mamas…appropriate, I know) and they have no care whatsoever for the people entering or exiting the parking lot. At least at their size, eye wrinkle creams are not an issue because that flesh over the skull is way too stretched for crow’s feet.

So, I have to drive through a corridor of these monolithic vehicles driven by business casual giants with a cup of coffee in one hand a cell phone in the other, and with responsibility for their offspring squarely resting on the shoulders of a professional child care establishment, they are ready to race forward with their day.

And boy do they ever…race forward, I mean. Actually, backward. See, with all the crap in their hands and at their ears they don’t seem able to steer in reverse, or even glance in their rear view mirrors. So when I round the corner of the day care facility and pass through the parking lot area, I find my self swerving to avoid being slammed by some Big Mama’s rear end. Actually, multiple big rears. Seriously, it’s like a freaking car slalom. Me in my little Toyota against the big bad gas guzzlers.

And the self righteousness of these Moms is pretty staggering. I’ve gotten honked at, more than once, by women backing out of a space. Since when is the person driving down the parking lot lane expected to stop for every car that wants to back out?

Don’t even get me started about pickup at the end of the day when all the after school kids have been added to the mix. It’s truly devastating. Thank goodness the plaza sports a liquor store.

Lo-speed Bump

  • by Drew

I was in a parking lot the other day and saw the height of bad parking. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of bad parking in my day. I’ve seen double parking, triple parking, I think I even saw quadruple parking once, but that pickup was towing a trailer, so…I guess that was a little understandable. Yeah I think I seen ’bout everything when I seen an elephant fly. Or maybe in this case it was seeing an elephant park. After all, it was the Walmart parking lot.

Yup, I saw an SUV in the first spot of a row in a lot with the rear passenger side tire fully up on the curb. So, like, the rear of the car, on one side was a full 7 or 8 inches off the ground, and while it was an SUV, it was like a little Nissan one or something. It didn’t even have big tires or much clearance. Seriously.

How lazy do you have to be to pull into a space, at such a ridiculous angle that the rear tire rides up on the curb and then just stop there? Hell, the bump onto the curb must have been teeth crunching. Again, it was Walmart, so there’s at least a 60% chance the driver was carrying plenty of extra padding to ease the bouncing, but still…

When are they going to offer online schooling for parking cars? Maybe we’ll see a reality show where they make contestants pull straight into a space…immunity goes to anyone who remembers to use a turn signal.

bait

  • by Drew

So we’ve got TV back. Several people have been asking me about it. I mean, we dropped service over a year ago when I realized there was a weekend-long nonstop Spongebob marathon on multiple channels and my kids were, instead, watching a Spongebob DVD because it had “the one we want to watch.” Now, after a 14 or 15 month hiatus, the verdict is in. We’ve missed nothing. Sure, I like a few things here and there, and it is nice to be able to flip the TV on and not have to select a DVD or Netflix streaming program. But really, I mostly just waste time looking for something to watch…or watching something I’ve already seen because there’s nothing else on.

Maybe if cat fighting among paparazzi wannabes, eating disgusting stuff, or glorified talent show performances are your thing, you can find something worth watching. Personally I don’t care if you can dance, sing, bitch, kvetch, cohabitate, diet, cook, decorate cakes or eat bugs in a competitive situation. You want a good and interesting reality show with real people? How about navigating the red tape of insurance claims?

Get a dozen people who’ve gone through surgery and see who is most persistent in refusing to take no for an answer. The winner actually gets his or her bills paid and the resulting ulcer is covered! Hell, give the winner a get out of pre-existing condition card while you’re at it. Or maybe you can do one of those get-the-job-at-the-end-of-the-season shows to hire someone who can actually explain the ins and outs of ssdi or Medicare/Medicaid… No, on second thought, I don’t think that’s actually possible.

And yet, I did discover a reality-ish TV show that I enjoyed last night. I probably won’t ever watch it again since I was halfway through the 4th episode when I trudged up to bed last night, but in a pinch. The show was Bait Car, and in the fine tradition of the greatest reality show of all time – Cops – we see the criminals at work, on camera, and we see them busted.

The concept is simple. Cops ditch a bait car in a crime ridden neighborhood through any of a number of methods, surreptitious or otherwise. Eventually, hooligans descend upon the vehicle and do their dirty deeds. As they rifle through the contents of the car, they usually notice that keys have been left in the ignition. Eureka! 

It’s all on camera and the cops have a device that will cause the car’s engine to stop once the crook has to driven to a more or less safe and out of the way location. They usually also can lock the doors so the villain is stuck inside. I guess it depends on the budget of the police force in question.

I don’t know how long this show has been on so it may be old news for anyone who’s had television for the last 15 months, but for me…pure viewing gold.

OBXed Out

  • by Drew

I was supposed to meet up with this guy a week or so ago. He never came by so I called him the other day. I said “hey, where you at?” and he said “the ocean.” Since I don’t live particularly close to any ocean, and he is local, I asked “Which ocean? The close one or the one that’s really far away?”

It turns out he was in North Carolina. Good old NC, the Outer Banks. I was…mildly surprised. I mean, I thought we were getting together and he never mentioned anything about North Carolina. For a minute I was more than a little peeved. Like, you might want to start pricing NC health insurance tough guy ’cause I’m coming down to give you a pop in the nose. But I settled down. So what if he went on vacation and didn’t mention it to me. I’ll get over it.

I guess.

I tell you, these people with time shares can be so insensitive.

impatience

  • by Drew

Impatience is…well, it’s burning me up lately. Not my own, of course. While I admit to losing my cool as much as the next guy, it’s not weighing particularly heavy on my mind right now. No, it’s my fellows on this island earth I’m growing concerned with. It’s no new thing, but my experiences on line at the store, or behind the wheel driving to work have been…frankly disappointing.

Driving to work this morning I was on a pseudo-highway that cuts for several miles through a very commercially developed area. Lots of people passing through, many of them working in the stores and shops and restaurants and stations and office parks nearby. Many traveling on to the legitimate highway a mile or so beyond my own office park. It is usually one lane, sometimes a little congested with only one really hang-up area due to a particularly poorly located traffic light. Oh yeah, and there are lots of lights. In the occasional long-stretches between lights the speed goes up to 55, but for most of the stretch, it is 45.

At one green light by a shopping center, there was a little congestion due to another light only about 50 yards down the road. I had a feeling that my light would turn red before that light down the way went green, so I hung at the line so as not to get stuck in the middle of the intersection. And I was correct, because my light went red long before the other went green, and I certainly would have ended up stuck in the middle of an intersection for half a minute or more, blocking the cross traffic. Smart driving right? 

Apparently, this was not the opinion of the schmoe in the little Nissan behind me. As soon as my light turned green again, he gunned his engine and pulled into the right lane, a turn only lane alongside me. He nearly sideswiped a car that was using said turn-only lane properly and there were horns and screeching tires. A second right turn-only car nearly slammed into the first one that had to stop so abruptly. The schmoe’s engine revved like a 70s Charger and he rocketed around me and flew forward. Then he slammed on his brakes because the car in front of him was just rolling forward, following the sluggish traffic.

It was like Zero to 40 to 0…or maybe 5 miles per hour…in the span of 150 feet, like he was atv riding, not car driving. In the process, two accidents were narrowly avoided by other drivers who were clearly more thoughtful and attentive than this schmoe. Totally worth it don’t you think?

For the next mile and a half I was right behind the Nissan, even when traffic opened up. I watched as he did that weaving thing certain aggressive drivers do on one lane roads – like they’re going to pass at any moment, but for the oncoming traffic. It was the “I Can’t Drive 55” music video enacted on the stage we call real life.

When the Nissan schmoe finally pulled into his destination (an unnecessary screeching affair at 40 miles an hour with no blinker) I wondered if it was worth it to him? He was driving like a complete jerk, nearly causing several accident, clearly causing extreme heartburn in all those around him, and he shortened his drive exactly one car length.

 And I was driving the Corolla, so it wasn’t much of a car length at that.

Sights…

  • by Drew

So the trip to the land of my people…pretty good. The boys were pretty well-behaved and we had a kick ass room. Best part of the top floor room was the view through the classic oval windows. Dude, you have to love historical architectural details like oval windows. Man, it was awesome to pick out our room from the street.

The only thing about oval windows, though (other than framing the view quite beautifully) is no off the rack blinds or cellular shades. You’re going to be totally out of luck at the Home Depot…oval windows mean custom window treatments all the way.

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