Camping

  • by Drew

Yes, three cool guys camping. Jake, Noah and me. The wonder, the magic, the marvels…the bug bites. Oh so many bug bites.

But we had fun. Really, a lot of fun. There was a pool and a 9 hole mini golf course. There was a decent playground and a bouncy house. Or jumpy house if you are Noah. There were a few families with kids, even one from Quebec so Jake and Noah could experiment with their cross-lingual communication skills.

Their cross-lingual skills need a lot of work.

Nevertheless, everyone said au revoir with a big smile on.

And the people were pretty darn nice. Whether they came in big RVs or towing pop-up campers, whether they were tent camping or renting a cabin, most everyone had a smile or a wave or a “how ya doin'” when they walked by. People got pretty quiet a good hour before the 10pm noise ban, and stayed that way until well after 8am.

And though there was a little bit of excess flesh here in there, it was in no way the “I need colon cleanser” Walmart shopper fest I have to admit I expected. Just nice, friendly, normal people. Maybe they wanted to save a few bucks on a hotel. Maybe they just like the outdoors.

Hell, I’ve slept on a lot of floors in my day and as long as it isn’t raining hard or too cold, I will take a sleeping bag on the ground in a tent in favor of berber over hardwood any day of the week. Seriously. Even if there are roots and rocks, you can always wriggle yourself into a pretty comfortable position.

The Video Game Song

  • by Drew

I love tennis on the Wii, Carol has occasionally been lost to the world in PC games, Jake is obsessed with the Web-based games on Nick Jr. and Noah has not one, but two learning laptops. Sheesh. There’s a whole lot of gaming going on here. And yet, I never think of us as gamers. I have friends with an XBox or a Playstation who rattle on about the next big hit game. Halo this, Resident Evil that…and I’m like, “Dude, you’re such a loser,” but it’s just not fair, I guess. We all have our digi-love at some time or another.

I can even remember a time, many years ago, when my brother brought home a Nintendo machine. I was still in High School and he was a college freshman. He’d bought it from a classmate for like 20 bucks because the kid had no cash left to get home. The machine ended up a fixture in our den where my mother, of all people, developed a fast and nasty addiction to Super Mario Brothers. I couldn’t get near her for a couple weeks.

It was especially funny because she’d been the one who shied away from all things computer/gaming from the time my father brought home that first Atari console with a jury-rigged cartridge on which we could mount pirated games. Ah, the early days of pre-hacking. It was the Wild West. 

I even have a couple of joysticks I bought in the last few years that are preloaded with those classic games. Some of the arcade versions like Pac-Man and Dig Dug, and some of the classic home games like Centipede and Breakout. Noah especially likes those. And Jake, who when not on the Web is begging to play Monkey Ball Banana Blitz on the Wii, has recently written a song about loving Video Games.

It is performed very theatrically, a lot of pseudo vibrato, somewhere between Meatloaf and Journey (the singer and the band, not the meal and the noun) and it consists mostly of singing “I love video games! Video games are so cool.”

There are dance moves too.

I think maybe it’s time to go to the library.

Explorers

  • by Drew

The boys are adventurers. They are scientists and explorers. They are all about discovery. They have explorer tools – these giant plastic swiss army type toys with an assortment of fold out tools. They have canteens and head mount miner lights. They have action watches with timers and alarms and magnifying glasses and compasses. They have flashlights. Many, many flashlights. And sleeping bags.

Frequently, they like to gear up and do some exploring. They put on their head lights and watches. They hang their canteens around their necks and look good in their goggles. They wander and run and jump, inside and out. They’re like little machines, in constant motion. No Avesil necessary, they are slim and trim and ready to go.

So trim, in fact, that this morning we got an unexpected show. Noah was gearing up with sunglasses, miner light and action watch. He was still wearing his pajamas, the elastic-waisted shorts of which were being a bit overtaxed by three light sabers. He had my red one, Jake’s green one and his own blue one. And as he walked around with all three light sabers hanging from the front of his shorts, we noticed that the waistband was stretched a little low. So low, in fact, that his own saber was was making an appearance.

Nevertheless, he moseyed about, nonchalant is his quad-phallic glory. And oh, how we did laugh.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  • by Drew

I finally did it. Last night I watched Watchmen. And you know what? Not too bad. Seriously. I watched the Director’s cut and I think they did a pretty solid job of translating the comic to the big screen. No, it is not exactly the same. How could it be? And what would be the point of watching if it was.

I had a few expectations for disappointment and none were met. Seriously. I mean, the way some people talked, Billy Crudup’s Dr. Manhattan blue penis would be waving in the breeze every time he was on screen. Come on, peeps, you barely saw it. And trust me, I was looking.

They handled the end pretty well too. I mean, without blowing it for comic fans or movie fans who want to experience the other medium at some point, it would be pretty impossible to translate the ultimate end of the comic to the big screen…unless you wanted to add another couple of hours to the narrative. I liked the rewrite, though. Less comic-ish but very very movie-ish, so that’s cool.

I liked Dreiberg. I especially liked how they framed him with love handles at a few of the crucial naked moments. When he is staring at Archie in the basement after his first fumble with Laurie. Just like in the comic, he looks soft and middle-aged and not-quite-ready-for-crime-time. He’s not totally in the market for weight loss supplements or anything – at least not yet – but he definitely is not completely buff and trim and airbrushed-six pack. Not without the suit.

And that, I think, is something I never realized before. Moore really captured a sort of middle-aged ennui in the book, and it came through in the movie. As someone who has crested mid-30s and can see 40 somewhere down the not-too-distant road, I am all too familiar with the “how exactly did I get here?” sense that all of these fantastic characters convey. It just one more level of complexity that one can appreciate in the book that has just so much going on. Kudos to you Mr. Moore, even if you are too much of a freak to keep your name associated with the film projects spawned by your books.

What did I not like? The Rorschach scene when Rorschach really becomes Rorschach. Good, but not great. They didn’t need to show the shoe. The magic of the book is when you figure it out. The shoe made it too…obvious.

And there was a bit of gratuitous bludgeoning here and there. I know that modern special effects allow for the representation of broken bone popping through the screen, but I don’t need to see it. The sound of the crack is so much more compelling than the complete visual.

You know that slow motion thing they do in fight scenes…where they slow down the action for a moment to let you see teeth and blood flying out of somebody’s mouth when they’ve just been punched? I hate that. Either do the passage in full slow-motion ala John Woo, or keep it in real time. But the roller coaster speed stuff looks like MTV direction and rarely works. I blame Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

My only other significant complaint? The sex scene. The bang after the burning building is great, and some of the framed shots truly mirrored the comic images. They came alive. It was sexy and moving and visually very artful. But it was too damned long. Did they have to shoot it over the whole song? It was like a Skinemax music video. The length (no pun intended) was too much and seemed to reduce the scene from shared catharsis to porn. And most tragic of all, by the time they get to the fireball punchline, the humor is massively diminished.

But these are, I think, minor criticisms. Overall I felt it was an accomplishment and I was quite pleased. At times I truly saw the comic come alive and breathe. Yet I never felt bored with anticipation of an expected next scene. In fact, the retelling of a story I have read very closely on dozens of occasions over the past 15 or so years, was fresh, inspiring and exciting.

Thank goodness because I really thought it was going to suck.

apple of my eye

  • by Drew

The other day I realized just what a master manipulator my first-going-on-second grader is becoming. Just like dear old Dad. I don’t know if I should be incredibly proud of my progeny, or increasingly suspicious and wary.

He had asked me if we’d be going on vacation this summer. I thought Jersey Shore jaunts. I thought Vegas trips. I thought Orlando vacations. And I hedged a little. We just put an expensive addition on the house. We have a newborn to tote along. Just how much fun are we going to have for a couple nights locked in a room with a baby crying all night, and locked in to her nursing schedule all day?

“We could go to Lake George again,” he suggested. Back to the same hotel we enjoyed last summer with the great indoor pool (including waterslide) and free breakfast. And we could go to the Magic Forest again. Of course, the Magic Forest. the classic Lake George kiddie park with dozens of rides of the St. Someone of the Something Catholic Church Italian Festival variety.

Pretty cool, actually. We had a lot of fun there last year. But when he mentioned it I wondered aloud if he wasn’t getting too old for the Magic Forest. His little brother is at the perfect age for these rides, but an almost-second-grader. Didn’t he think he would be bored?

He threw his hands out to the sides and adopted a truly flabbergasted expression. With some exaggeration he said, “Dad, are you kidding. You think I’d be bored? No way.”

He shook his head in wonder. Could his old man really be that clueless? “That place is just awesome!”

It was an a performance for the Academy. No lie. This kid is going to be trouble. Serious trouble. A conniving, manipulative, silver-tongued little devil. A true bs artist.

Just like his Pop.

Almost done

  • by Drew

The addition is almost done and I am having seriously mixed feelings. These guys have been here almost every day for almost 2 months. Back then we had two big bedrooms and a lot of wasted space. We had a useless landing and the boys were somewhat crammed into their room. The space just didn’t make sense. Now we have three kids with their own rooms. We have huge closets in our master bedroom and the space seems to make perfect sense.

We’re almost done now. The guys are just finishing up staining the house and we should have the final, certificate of occupancy any day now. Most of the checks have been written, most of the work is done, and now I contemplate morning after morning without Joe and Bob and Shadow (the dog).

Geez, I think I’m getting misty here. Quick! I need ideas. I need projects. I need time consuming but very inexpensive projects to keep these guys around. Walkways, gazebos, deck staining, arbor construction, room painting…I need ideas!

But I guess it’s not going to happen. I will just have to let go.

Sigh.

One Step Beyond…

  • by Drew

Since the start of 2009 I have received dozens of freaky emails. In the middle of the hundred or so daily spam messages I summarily delete without barely a glance, I have noticed something particularly creepy. Several recently deceased celebrities have been emailing me.

No lie.

The King of Pop has been pitching ringtones to me for days. several times a day, actually. O’Neal Woman and Ryan’s Girl both suggest I should lose some weight fast – and they have just the pills to help. Fairah Faucet (sic) doesn’t think I should waste time going back to school – I should just my my official-looking diploma online. Isn’t technology totally fab? Socks the Cat has suggested that oral sex is the way to go (just ask my former owner Bill) and John Updike, of all disembodied spirits, has been downright begging that I stop disappointing my wife in the bedroom. 

Thankfully Patrick McGoohan and Ricardo Montalban have been keeping their distance. Clearly they both realize that whether or not the plane is on its way, I am not a number.

Naysayers are surely pinning this unique paranormal phenomenon on the tactless, eel-like scum that engages in the professional spam-business, but isn’t it more fun and entertaining to realize the truth…I am being contacted by celebrities from beyond.

But if I get an American Express solicitation from the late, great Karl Malden, I know what to do: Discover boxes and get the hell out of dodge because that would be too wrong to be anything but the genuine article.

Peace out Father Barry.

Movement

  • by Drew

What with the new baby and the new square footage upstairs and way more work than I wanted to be doing in the past month, I haven’t had much time for distractions. You know, like messing with Facebook or following the Michael Jackson autopsy controversy, or getting really upset about what’s going on in Albany. Don’t get me started, but for anybody who doesn’t follow New York news, we may have one of the most ridiculous state senates in the history of state senates. Seriously, it’s pathetic.

I heard half a story on NPR this morning about how a vote on the Democratic side was ruled invalid because a Republican senator “accidentally” voted. They said something like he walked through the room on his way to get a cup of coffee and he was somehow included in the count. Are you freaking kidding me? This can’t be accurate. Can this really be true?

It’s getting pathetic. Pretty soon these schmucks are going to have to really watch their backs. People are seriously getting pissed. Forget about crazies in the street, these guys own doctors will probably be spiking their Lipitor prescriptions. I hear you can get a good Rochester medical malpractice attorney…it might be worth the violation of the Hippocratic oath. Hell, that story would be good for free beers for life in any Albany pub.

Another round for the Doc who took on the 2009 state senate with prescription laxatives. Anything to get this deliberative body moving. Wink wink. 

Soft on the toes…whooops!

  • by Drew

We got carpet installed Thursday and had a bum’s rush of activity Friday. Now, Saturday at the crack of dawn, we’ve got some quite nearly completed rooms upstairs with colors on the walls, a few pieces of furniture almost in place, and soft pile carpet all over the place.

The carpet installation went pretty smoothly. The guys were fast and most of the work is pretty good. But when the guys left, like seconds after they left, I walked through the upstairs in my socks and immediately discovered the problem: a three foot line, about two inches wide that feels like there is no pad underneath. It’s a like a valley. And in the day and a half since I found the spot I can’t help but step on it (without meaning to) every time I walk through the room.

I’ve put in a call to the carpet place and they are supposed to review notes with the installers and call me back. Hmmmmm. We shall see. This shall be getting fixed, I assure you. I am just way to neurotic to live with it.

And it’s not just me. Everyone I point it out to can’t believe it, and several of the people working yesterday discovered it on their own. Like when I brought my uncle in to show him the spot (he came up with my mother and aunt to help move some of the big pieces of furniture), one of the plumber’s helpers was like, “you mean that dip in the floor? I keep kneeling in it. What’s that all about?”

But hey, nothing can go totally smoothly, right? And we truly are getting very close. The inside will be done within the next day or two. All they really have left is touch up and a few last details, like a piece of base board that needs to be trimmed because the heat ran an inch longer than anticipated. Seriously little stuff like that.

Of course, the siding has to be put up on the outside of the dormer and the whole house needs to be stained, so the guys will be around for a little while longer (I won’t be totally lonely yet) but we’re real close. No, no big 4th of July barbecue this year, but maybe by August, birthday time for the boys, we would be able to throw a shindig. Yeah right, like Carol would let me.

How about a Halloween party? We could get Halloween decorations and make Halloween snacks and send Halloween invitations and wear Halloween costumes. Baby Laura can wear my famous baby cow costume – just like the boys before her. At least she’s gender appropriate to dress as a cow, right?

And that’s no bull.

Utter hilarity.

The Carrot Seed

  • by Drew

Jake’s first grade class joined with a third grade class (there is a mentoring deal between the two years in their school) to put on a performance of a pretty original play based somewhat loosely on the book The Carrot Seed. It was pretty rollicking good fun, I must say. And I had the dubious honor of being asked to help with the music. The kids sing a bunch of songs, mostly reworked classics that thematically fit. Well, sort of.

I was supposed to play some guitar along with his teacher’s husband, but I made up my mind pretty quickly that it would be easier to record the basics and give the kids a CD to practice with…and perform with. So I ended up laying down drum machine, bass and guitar with a few sonic cues built in. I triggered the CD at the performance,  and the husband played along live, a lot of lead-ish bits that helped the kids sing together and in tune.

It was fun and entertaining, and I must say, it was one of the better looking crowds I’ve seen in a while. No big hair, not too many big arms. You ever hear it said that when you’re in a card game you should look for the sucker and if you can’t find him it’s probably you? I was starting to think like that tonight at the play. Like, if you look around and can’t find the person most likely to be reading the liporexall reviews, it’s probably you. So, maybe tonight it was probably me?

I mean, I’m not feeling huge lately or anything, but I haven’t been eating too well what with the construction and the lack of sleep and the incessant need to sneak to the next town and go dancing with Chris Penn and Lori Singer so Reverend Moore played by John Lithgow won’t find out and…wait, that’s Footloose. I’ve been watching a lot of movies to help me fall asleep. I just might need a nap.

© 2026 Drew Bancroft. All rights reserved. Totally.