Modernista

I was down in Virginia for work again this week. I went down on Monday and came back on Wednesday…sort of. I mean, I was scheduled to come home Wednesday afternoon and that turned into a series of miscues, delays and sleepiness, but it all worked out.

While down there I stayed in a hotel called aloft that has a distinct minimalist, somewhat modern vibe. The room was a big square, the bed was a mattress on a platform, the furniture was more or less built in laminate chunks. There was no proper closet, but instead, a few large cubbies of varying sizes with a curtain you could pull over as a cover. In speaking with a coworker I described it as sort of minimalist metrosexual with a taste of THX-1138. She agreed. Another coworker, one who lives in the area described it as “that new retro place” with clear distaste. Since she is someone I don’t particularly like, and she claimed no interest in checking the place out because she doesn’t “like that kind of thing,” I don’t really care much for her opinion.

For me, it is not the way I choose to decorate my life. Nevertheless, I appreciate the ethic and kind of liked it. I mean, I don’t have a flatscreen hanging on my wall or a glowing blue 50s style alarm clock that lights up noiselessly, I tend toward tv stands and digital displays, but I can appreciate it for what it is. It was like wearing somebody else’s clothes for a couple of days. Why not, right?

Reflections

Did you read that post title and think I was going to go all Deep Thoughts on you? Like, as I shuffle toward the autumn of my existence, I have to take a breath every once in a while, inhaling the sweet aroma of experience and maturity.

More like, my back hurts, my knees lock up in the winter and I have to pee in the middle of the night – sometimes twice. 35 is fuckin’ GREAT!

Anyway, I was really just thinking about windows. I have always liked reflective surfaces, mirrors and windows, as literary devices or narrative elements. I really wanted to use a quote from one of my songs as the title, but that would make about as much sense for the title of this post as “reflections.”

Window treatments as a general catch all concept has been Carol’s pet project of late. We’ve got these beige curtains on every window in the house. They were her parent’s from a house they used to live in, and they are very nice, but a little bland. We hung them when we moved in a few years ago, but…well, I think Carol has determined it is time.

And we have moved beyond Cheap Blinds and homemade pinned up fabric swatch concoctions…at least for the living room. At least, that was the thinking until we turned up a cute valance at Christmas Tree Shops for $1.50. Not bad, but they only had one. We were hoping to find two, but we have a little dining room with a single window that it will work on. We’ve done some quick looking online and such, and Carol found a bunch of this same valance on eBay…for like 8 bucks!

Dude, if they are buying them for a buck and a half at CTS and selling them for 8, that’s a pretty serious margin. I mean, I doubt they can do much volume, but what a business. Buy shit from somebody and sell it for 4 times as much. Nifty.

Anyway, I’m just rambling today. But if we come up with anything good, I’m sure somebody will post pics.

Probably not me…but somebody.

And now for something not at all different…

Everyone know how much I love a good Spam subject, but lately I am getting too few of these: Women like men with soft heart but hard member.The friend in your pants will be dancing like at a party. You better click.

And there are far too many of these: Learn how to take over the stock market — followed by a lengthy explanation of the stock robot and how the stock robot will make the picks that will make me independently wealthy. Oh happy day.

And as Spam loses it’s absurd erotic humor, I find I am getting rushed from all sides. Both my landline and my cell phone have been ringing off the hook with offers. I get calls from people who are literally frantic to save me and my lapsed auto warranty.

Caller: Do you know your factory warranty has expired? You are completely unprotected. We have to do something about that today!!!

Me: It has? Holy crap! What will I do. Oh wait, that’s the car I sold 2 years ago. Thanks for playing douche bag.

And Optimum Online. Fucking Optimum Online. The high speed demon internet spawn of Cablevision. 5 times a day we hear from polite Nicaraguans with hardly any accent at all telling us how terrible the Satellite dish is and how satisfied we’d be with the Triple Play. Yeah…let me get back to you on that.

Let me, in fact, reach far back into my memory. 5 years ago when we moved into this house and had to wait 3 weeks for the cable guy to come (he missed his first 2 eight hour windows, but the third time is the charm) only to be told that we had to pull wire from the street to the house, then throughout the house because “Cablevision is not responsible for pulling cable.”

How can that be. I mean, it’s in the name of your damn company. Cablevision. It’s the first damn half of your compound word corporate identifier. That’s like going into Burger King and being told “Sorry, we don’t sell burgers here. We just sell chicken fingers and crowns. Nothing but chicken fingers and crowns. Can I get you some chicken fingers? Or maybe you’re feeling a little regal today. Take off that Mets cap. Have I got a treat for you.”

I mean, I might be interested in business insurance if I owned a business that needed to be insured. It has happened in the past. It may happen again, but right now…not exactly useful. There are a number of products and services I am very interested in, in fact. I am just not interested in refinancing my mortgage with Joe’s Back o’ the Van bank in the next 10 minutes before Mr. BOTV’s pay-as-you-go cell minutes expire. Is that so wrong?

Why not a watch?

The Valentine’s Day problem persists. I still haven’t come up with anything. I’m kind of bummed, though, that Carol already has a few good watches, including a Happy Meal Hello Kitty watch she picked up this weekend. Knowing this, of course, I found a good watch site – Kenmar Watches. They have all kinds of stuff from the big designers like Gucci watches and Kenneth Cole. They have classic makers like Citizen, Timex and Bulova. They also have a lot of brands from other spaces like Timberland, Corvette and Puma. But I particularly like some of the lesser known designers (at least to me) or just weirdo brands that make you wonder wh exactly is wearing this stuff? I mean, on one page they have stuff that could only be worn by a Black Ops hitman, on the next they have pieces that would be perfect in the next John Waters film.

I like this pink skull and cross bones one from Paul Frank. There are a lot of pop art and cartoon-style designs, slightly more mature (for lack of a better modifier) than San Rio Hello Kitty stuff. There’s also a camo monkey design I like.

How about a Kalashnikov or an Uzi. I’m not sure if these are street legal automatic or if you’ll need one of those gun show conversion kits to unload a full clip in less than 10 seconds, but the watches are pretty bad ass. You can get your swiss army always-be-prepared on with Wenger and Victorinox models, or be particularly japanimation chic with wrist art from designers like Appetime and Pop Time. And speaking of pop art, there’s a whole Andy Warhol collection. And I would be remiss to leave out the ever beloved by the B-star elite designs of Von Dutch.

Selection aside, the site offers a pretty decent shopping experience. The design is in three columns, with pretty sparse content. The left and right columns list the logos of prominent manufacturers, the center column offers the primary content – lists of watches. Or when, you want more detail, you can click to get it. But for browsing, there’s a nice rollover preview so you don’t have to leave a collection page to get the basics on a whole slew of watches.

There’s also a pretty prevalent “Chat with a rep” box that floats across the screen. Actually, it floats across the screen a little too often for me, but I like to shop alone and unassisted. For anyone who wants to chat with a person, they can.

But what about price? you ask. Good question. Honestly, I have no idea how prices compare because I haven’t done much comparison shopping. Mostly because I’m not actually in the market for a watch this Valentine’s Day. What I do like, however, is that Kenmar Watches claims a price match guarantee. Yup, you find it cheaper somewhere else and they will probably match it. So that’s cool.

They also have a shopping feature I have seen cropping up in a small number of other specialty shopping site. There is a “make an offer” button on many of the watch pages. So, even if you you’re not asking for a price match, you can always ask for a discount. I mean, there’s no reason to expect you’ll get it, but at least you have the opportunity to try and wheel and deal. Worst thing that can happen is they’ll say no. But this system let’s both parties set their line in the sand, and protect their own interests. If they can do the deal and still make a fair profit, they will probably do it. Why not try, right?

OK, enough watch stuff. I need to find something for my lady…maybe a Snickers bar. Or a bag of M&Ms. She loves them. 

V-Day is Coming

Ugggh. I’m burned out this year. The ideas just aren’t coming. In past years I’ve done jewelry, clothing, spa time, decorative home accessories, Fossil watches, major appliances, romantic getaways, intimate dinners, and fine wine. I don’t know. I think we’re going to go up to Massachusetts for the weekend, so we’ll probably unload the monkeys on the grandparents and head to the Olive Garden or something. Get us some of that hospitaliano. As long as the food doesn’t put us in an ambulancio on the way to the hospitaliano, I’ll take it. It’s all about free babysitting.

But I probably have to come up with something. And I’m running out of time. Hmmmm. Of course, if I do have any good ideas, I’d be an idiot to put them here what with my wife as a regular reader. That would really kind of blow the surprise. I mean, if I could get through two months with a Wii in the basement without spilling the Christmas beans, I should be able to think up something incredibly sweet and special and unexpected and not reveal it here.

Hmmmm. I wonder if she’s ever been to Hooters. She does love chicken wings.