When I was a kid we went to the Galleria Mall in White Plains one time and ate at a barbecue restaurant called Mr. Greenjeans. They sat us in the window where everyone walking by as they shopped got a good look at my 8 year old face completely covered with barbecue sauce. As members of my family commented on my titanic rib attack and my voraciousness I thought “hmmm, Mr. Greenjeans…I bet the Hulk would love this place.”

You get it right…green.

The thing is, I have recently learned of the range of Hulks in the modern Marvel Comics universe. The Gray Hulk has actually been around for years, I think he happened back in the 80s, but did you know there is now a Red Hulk? Yup. They call him Red Hulk. I don’t know if he eats at Red Robin, but I bet he’ll be all over Redenvelope anniversary gifts when he finally ties the knot.

Tomorrow is the day – read comic in public day, that is. I mentioned it a few days ago. Tomorrow is the day. A pile of comics, a park bench, or maybe one in the mall. Something like that. I need to find a place that I can get my read on with the kids in tow, so it may not be a major showing…but it will be a showing. No life-sized card board cut-outs, sexy costumes or Batmobile rides

Maybe in the Mall Food Court.

My 8 year old can read a comic to my 5 year old. Maybe Super Hero Squad or a Marvel Adventures Super Hero issue. I have a couple of Spider-Mans and one with Dr. Strange teaming up with Spidey. I’ve also got a print out of Brave and the Bold from the DC Comics kids site.

Carol will probably read Fables or Madame Xanadu. That’s right, I’ve done it. I’ve succeeded in getting her interest in the comic medium duly sparked. Maybe she’d even like that first issue of The Goon Dark Horse just reprinted.

As for me, I’ll have to keep it real with some GI Joe, one of my favorite all time titles. What else? Definitely Green Hornet – probably one of the mini-series from Now Comics in the 90s. What else? I suppose I should go all out and represent with some super-hero stuff. Hmmmm. Maybe a Wolverine one-shot? Or maybe I’ll re-read the first few issues of Birds of Prey. Maybe I’ll even get that one on Carol’s short list. It is really one of the best super hero titles I’ve ever read. Up there with X-Factor. Great stuff.

I’m coming out of the closet on Saturday. Officially. No more whispered back room conversations. No more looking away and being afraid to make eye contact. No more faking it or denying it or living a lie. On Saturday I am going to let the whole world know the truth.

I read comic books.

Yup, it’s national ‘Read Comics in Public’ day…or something like that. And what a great idea, right? Call me a geek. Call me a fool. Call me childish. Call me whatever you want. I love ‘em and I’m going to figure out a way to take part in the festivities.

Maybe festivities is a strong word. I don’t think there’s going to be, like, a big party or anything. I mean, I’ve heard there will be some regional meetups, but I haven’t heard about any around me. And anyway, who wants to hang out at Starbucks with a bunch of comic book geeks anyway?

Just kidding.

But in all seriousness, I have always loved comics. I read them and collected avidly for a couple years when I was young, and then I went into trade paperback world. During my college years, when cash was especially scarce, I relegated myself to only the occasional graphic novel or trade paperback to keep the old fire burning. Then, when I started working, I started buying the trades more frequently, but still…I was so totally hopelessly out of the loop. In the last few months, though, I have been visiting a fantastic local comic shop and doing some bulk buying from a variety of back issue suppliers and auction sites. Yeah baby, I’m back with a vengeance.

And the stories, the quality of the writing, has really kept up with my expectations. At least, in enough instances to keep me jolly well satisfied. I don’t want to sound annoying, like some born-again disciple whose day of observance is Wednesday (Thursday after holidays) not Sunday. Most of my peers never strayed from the path. They did not abandon the weekly joy to wait for the trades to come out a few months later. So when I start talking it up, I most sound like a bit of a convert, preaching to the choir as it were. Sure, I want to testify, but what of my brethren who never lost their way? To put it plainly, I don’t want to tick anybody off.

That’s why, after much deliberation, I’ve decided NOT to wrap myself in C9 led christmas lights while reading GI Joe Origins and X-Factor on the steps of the Town Hall.

So let me be a respectful prodigal and hope my support of Geek Day (there I go again…but with affection) brings a little awareness to the unwashed masses. Maybe someone will even see me reading a comic and be inspired to step out of the closet themselves. Or maybe I can even find a newbie and convert him or her to the Illustrated Word. It may not be salvation, but it sure feels good.

Wouldn’t it be kind of cute if there were baby vampires? I mean, not those freaky high-speed horror movie vampires coming after you in the middle of the night or anything. I just mean, well, I don’t know. Can’t you just see the vampire family hanging out in their living room in the middle of the night? Picture it.

There’s baby vampire, sucking on a bottle of plasma while Mommy V rocks in her shermag glider and cuddles him close. No, I don’t think nursing would come into play. And there’s Daddy in his wool, button down sweater, chuckling as Toddler Vamp gnaws his pacifier.

“Do you think we should take away his puggie?” Momma Vampire asks.

“Why?” says Dad.

“We don’t want his fangs to come in crooked,” replies Mom.

“And braces are so expensive and I just lost my dental coverage,” adds Dad.

Ahhhh, just another night at home with the Vampire family.

I’m sick of Google. Really sick. I’m sick of people “googling” crap and I’m sick of the rumors of Google biting off Facebook so they can own everybody’s personal data and I’m sick of the Google/Verizon tiered internet nonsense. I don’t care if it’s true or not. I don’t  don’t I don’t. I really just want somebody to knock Google off the throne.

Let’s face it, they were late to market with technology that was already established and in existence. And still they had a hit. Maybe it was pre-bubble Internet IPO nostalgia or something. Like…recession denial or something. But really all they had going for them in the beginning was a great name. A better name than any other search tool. And a name with the added value of sounding pretty good as a verb.

So that’s what I want. I want someone else to come up with a search suite that is as derivative as Google. Gmail? Come on. It’s just a freakin’ Webmail account. Yeah, Google Earth is pretty cool, but it just builds on stuff other people were doing in the 90s.

That’s why I want to see Skopie rise up and take over. Want some info on wiring your ceiling fan? Skopie it. Need an email account, try our new Smail. Hook up with your old High School buddies on Sko-Book. And while Google is going to give Verizon it’s A-game service, Skopie is going to play fair with everybody else.

And in case you’re wondering, it was a failed search for some fan wiring specifics that brought on this whole tirade. Go figure.

When I grow up I want to be a wholesaler. I don’t know, necessarily, what I want to wholesale, but it sounds good. Maybe I good sell wine. Or maybe comic books. Maybe I could sell very fancy shoes for puppies, tiny little shoes, made to order in Italy. But maybe not. It might be too confusing. I mean, people are used to buying pairs of shoes, not 4 shoes. Would I sell them as double pairs? Or quads? Maybe there would be front pairs and back pairs, like boots and gloves. It would work in the winter, sure, but what about the summer? What if you wanted flip flops to take your dog to the beach? It brings you right back to the quad problem. I mean, unless you wanted flip flops in back and a sort of pail and shovel thing for the front paws. But what if the dog developed a limp and I got blamed? Before you know it I’d have to all on my sword (not in the literal Chinese lead paint baby toy CEO manner but more in the figurative “I have a sex addiction and it’s not my fault” manner of the modern mega-church preacher). I don’t know, maybe wholesale isn’t for me.

I wrote earlier about my recent return to comic book collecting. This led me to my all new super favorite comic shop, Alterniverse, on Thursday. All the comic geeks reading know that new comics are released on Wednesdays, except on holiday weeks (the 4th of July fell on Sunday but Monday was considered a holiday) when they drop on Thursdays.

I got to the store around lunchtime and found the comics were late. I waited around for a while and saw a number of readers stop in looking for their favorites. No large lads looking for weight loss supplements here, my favorite comic shop has a rather fit clientele – at least at first glance. Yay for us.

This week was actually a big week for comicdom, actually. We celebrated the release of X-Men #1, a new series with one of the more popular super-hero teams. Maybe you’ve heard of them. There were some movies and such. Now this new series finds our team relocated to the West Coast and battling some pretty freaky vampires…not my favorite pop culture trend, I have to admit, but I guess vampires are the thing these days.

Anyway, Cyclops and Wolverine tangling with vampires is marginally more interesting that Wonder Woman in pants. But maybe I’m just getting old.

Oh, by the way…the title of the post refers to the fact that Alterniverse threw an X-Men release party featuring giveaways and, believe it or not, a Wolverine cake. I couldn’t hang around for the fun, but I have to say, I love comics.

I have recently rediscovered a past addiction. For a period of two or three years in my young teen years, I became an avid comic collector. I started with a single title, but when a small video store in the next town started selling comics (the owner being a total comic addict himself) I began making weekly visits.

A year or so after I discovered this little haven, the shop closed down. A few weeks later, the video part reopened under new ownership, but the comic racks were gone. Apparently, the comic-loving owner was so into Marvel and DC that he kept two copies of everything he sold. And pretty soon, he was deep in the red. Oh well.

Now, I certainly didn’t stop reading comics. In fact, I maintained my love of comics over the years since, but I mostly stopped reading monthly mags and switched to trade paperbacks and graphic novels. Sometimes these were standalone storied outside of the normal continuity of a particular title, but other time a book like this would simply collect a series of comics in single place, covering a particular story arc.

Recently, though, I have been picking up comics here and there. Mostly old ones at flea markets (old now meaning 80s era – the time period I used to collect) but I’ve also grabbed some newer stuff. And lately I’ve grabbed a couple of cheap ebay lots. Some ebayers will sell books for a fraction of their potential value if you are willing to grab a boxful. Since I am just getting back into collecting, this is a great way to go for me. It gives me a chance to read a couple of issues of a particular title and see if it is something for me. I can either go to a back issue dealer and try to fill in the blanks, or I can, when I am ready, put together some mixed lots of my own and get the comics back out there for someone else to start, or round out, their collection.

Comics have a lot of detractors, but I, for one, am a big fan. In fact, I am so much of a fan that I am happy to see my oldest kid starting to read them. He can still read a novel, about 3 grade levels beyond his age in fact, so if he wants to pick up a comic once in while, that’s cool with me.

I’ve known people who say that comics are a sort of anti-literature because the art keeps you from developing a mental picture. That might be a valid argument if comics were novels, but they’re not. It is a wholly different medium. If a great film can be a great film, in spite of its plain reliance on visual storytelling, a comic, or any sort of story told in a comic format is equally valid. If you disagree, open your mind to The Watchmen, Maus, or even American Splendour. Don’t kid yourself, these are tremendous bits of narrative. They are unique and powerful. At times, even profound. and they do not rely on violence or gratuitous profanity to “shock and awe” their readers. Instead, they use compelling imagery, both as depicted in the art, and in the poetry of the storytelling.

Seriously.

Recently I’ve been rediscovering an old habit. I’ve been really getting back into comics. That’s not entirely accurate, I guess, because I’ve always loved comic storytelling, but it was only for a very short period that I actually considered myself a comic collector. I can remember the handful of early comics that hooked me some time in 1985, leading to some intense collecting behavior through 1987. Beyond that, I picked up a handful of titles, but I was short of cash and was a little self-conscious about the whole thing.

Yeah, I was a little embarrassed about the whole thing, particularly during and after the whole puberty thing. Still, since that time I have continued to be a comics fan, though my collecting shifted from individual monthly titles to graphic novels. Occasionally in High School and College I would pick up a book. And in the last 15 years, those purchases have not abated. Every year, at least a bit of my birthday Amazon gift certificate goes toward the purchase of graphic novels.

So I’ve kept up to date, at least to some degree, with the goings on of a few favorite heroes. I’ve got a lot of Wolverine and Batman and Punisher books. Maybe I’m a few years behind the monthly mags, but I still enjoy the stories. And I’ve got a pretty wide collection of Marvel Essentials, these huge collections of classic titles they reprint in black and white to save money. There’s nothing like those early Stan Lee Spider-Man and Daredevil titles. And The X-Men collections cover the classic Chris Claremont stuff from the 80’s.

Since my birthday, a couple months back, I’ve been getting more and more back into it, and finally, I’ve taken the plunge and subscribed to a couple of titles. I’ve also purchased a stack of storage boxes and bags, and I’ve spent the last several nights refreshing my old collection and anticipating the new additions.

Maybe it’s because I don’t care anymore about walking into a comic shop. Have I finally put puberty behind me? Let’s hope so. It also helps to have a 7 year old in tow. I mean, as I’m scanning titles I can pretend I’m really in there for him, right? As soon as he’s finished looking at the scantily clad heroines and razor-clawed heroes in all their brilliant color, we can move on to the big box store and browse for patio cushions and gas grill utensils.

Talk about flawless cover, right?

Me and my 7 year old, we chat. It’s the word he came up with many months ago when we started. See, after the addition was finished, I no longer had to put the two boys to sleep on an airbed in a half-demolished room with thoughts of the morning clean up before the crew arrived. Now, they have their own rooms with their own doors and and beds that don’t require 5 minutes attached to a pump for proper comfort.

The routine has evolved to this: teeth brushing, final potty break, bathing, story in the story chair, 4 year old tucked in, 7 year old chat before tucking. And oh, how we chat. We talk Cub Scouts and Summer Camp and Zero gravity remote control cars and assorted action figures and perler beads and watercolors and so much more.

Tonight, as he found a cough from this on again off again thing that is starting to suggest a need for allergy relief more than cough suppressant, we talked literature. We talked about telling stories, loving to tell stories. I told him he was lucky to figure out that his favorite thing (and this is more or less a quote) is writing…writing stories.

Hell, it took me more than 30 years to figure out that the single common element that binds all things I enjoy most is about the same aspect – telling stories. Be they stories in song or on the written page or even with photos or doodles…it is that creative act – coming up with the story and somehow sharing it. That is where I find the most fun, the most joy, the most…you know.

It’s pretty good to be a smart 7 year old, I guess.

Oh, but here’s what I was getting at with the whole chat thing. Tonight, after getting beyond the shared love of storytelling, he told me he is wrestling with his current story about a Nerf dart war. At 4 pages, it is “SOOOO much longer” than his last major work, a 3 page autobiographical piece entitled My Busted Eye.

The problem, he told me, is that there are a lot of capital letters in the Nerf story. Too many, he insisted, and for some reason I cannot totally fathom, it is hanging him up toward the end of page 3.

So I told him that famous apocryphal story about Faulkner and his editor. Upon reading a manuscript, the editor told Faulkner he must do a better job of using punctuation and such as his work was too dense and difficult to decipher – read Absalom, Absalom and you’ll know what he meant. Faulkner’s response was to send his editor several pages of typewritten periods, commas, and other punctuation marks with a note that more or less said “put these wherever you want them.”

“Don’t worry too much about the capitals,” I told him. “Tell your story and you can always fix those little things later.”