Someday I Suppose

  • by Drew

Someday I’ll have a rustic cabin in the woods. I’ll write and drink homemade mead and have back porch concerts for the local wildlife. I’ll live on nut and wild berries and fresh made bread and imported cheese. (Can’t be 100% self sufficient). I’ll keep my gear in a white cedar chest and wash my unmentionables in a nearby creek. Every Wednesday I’ll take a drive to pick up provisions… and new comics. I’ll take up nude painting. Not the painting of nudes, but rather painting while nude. I’ll have lots of privacy, right?

Actually, I think I’ll skip the nude painting bit. There are lots of bugs in the woods.

Are you tee-sing?

  • by Drew

If you are fans of Skateboard Heroes, you know that along with printed copies of the super-sized Issue 0 we also have t-shirts available. I was at a comic shop just the other day and someone said “hey, those are funny shirts.” Honestly, I didn’t get the comment. He was not a reader (or should I say not yet) and I don’t think he understood what it was about.

Is the logo funny? Many ironically so in that it is somewhat stiff and serious. But, that would really only be funny to a fan, right?

Did he find my stick figure skaters funny? I mean, they’re stick figures, but are stick figures inherently humorous? I think not. Maybe if there was a skateboarding stick figure saying something like “M.r Speedy’s got nothing on me!”

Hitchin’ Post

  • by Drew

I think I’m going to be pricing curt trailer hitches in the very near future because my father in law is building me a trailer. Yup. He built a frame, welded it all together, thought it out like a champ. No more driving across the bridge with a hand holding plywood panels to my roof as they billow up like boat sails. I mean, most of the time when that happened, I wasn’t actually on a bridge. Just that one time…

Well, looks like maturity is coming my way. Finally, I can tow Home Depot purchase behind my Subaru like a real citizen. Becoming a man, indeed.

Head Gear

  • by Drew

Working on the next Skateboard Heroes story I had to go BMX. Yup, kids on old school dirt bikes, raising hell. It just makes sense, right? Kids on skateboards versus kids on bikes. Could I really have gone in any other direction?

Thing is, I was having a hard time getting good helmets. I wanted old school dirt bike helmets for the photography and modeling, but man, those things are expensive. I mean, I wanted something that looked good, but high end gear like shoei motorcycle helmets was a little priced out of my league.

Burning it up

  • by Drew

So, while ruminating about the crack issue in my parenting life, I thought of something interesting. Once in a while I read do-it-yourselfer handyman type magazines, mostly because I like cutting stuff with power saws. Something like 10 years ago I saw this ad all over the place for a special t-shirt made just for plumbers. It had an extra long back/tail area so you could tuck it in and never show crack.

Around that time we redid our bathroom. We had this huge plumber who was like 6 foot 6 inches tall. When we were putting in the new toilet, I realized that I was seeing a huge amount of blue t-shirt… I was like ‘holy crap, he actually has the plumber t-shirt!’ I thought it was pretty cool.

So fast forward to now, after nearly a decade of parenting… a decade of seeing mothers totally owning the crack. I don’t even think of it as plumber crack any more. It’s totally Mom crack now. It makes me think now is the time to throw the old shirts in the outdoor firepit and start selling the special Mom shirt with extended rear coverage. Seriously. Come on ladies, can we just cover it up. I wouldn’t want to see your split if you were skinny, twenty and hot, so I sure don’t need to see it now.

I keep mine covered, after all.

But then… I’m neither a plumber or a mom.

Cracking Up

  • by Drew

A little while ago I made a plumber’s crack joke. Pretty funny, right? Then I spent a week and change in Raleigh, NC, visiting my brother, and we had an interesting conversation. We were at the exceedingly awesome Marbles Children’s Museum where we spotted a Mom squatting and chatting with her kid. She was late 30s or so, not too far out of shape, but her shorts were hanging low and there was some serious visible crack.

This was the conversation inspiration – the visible crack, I mean. See, I told my brother just how much Mom crack I’ve seen in 9 or so years of parenthood. Seriously. I don’t know what it is, but a lot of women, when they become Mom’s, seem to lose all sensation in their buttocks. I mean, that must be it, right? I know that I am very aware when my rear is exposed. And I admit, there have been a couple rare circumstances when I had to let my own crack show.

For example, one time I was cutting wood. I had the chainsaw halfway through the downed tree, about 8 inches to go, and my jeans started to slip. I was in the woods with no one around for hundreds of yards. Totally invisible from the street. And still,I was aware of my visible crack. Like, maybe my wife would come calling for me because lunch was ready or the sweepstakes people were on the phone. And I actually remember it. Yes, I actually can remember individual instances over the last 38 years when I momentarily bared the top couple inches of my butt.

So how can so many people just let it go? It’s a little depressing. Like, when do you just give up on being aware? When do you get your degree in not caring? Are there graduation announcements for it? Somebody, please just whack me with a mallet if I ever stop caring about my visible split.

I thank you for your support.

Mad about Ernie

  • by Drew

Did you ever hear of Ernie Kovacs? He is one of those classic comedians who was just off the charts funny. He did groundbreaking television work, he was an early contributor to Mad Magazine, when it was the absolute king of American satire. He was known for playing all sorts of crazy characters, always shilling Dutch Master cigars. He made the music of Esquivel cool 30-plus years before hipsters in the 90s got into space age bachelor pad groovy lounge music. He died young, but his influence is so crucial to what we find funny today. Look him up, kids. Kovacs with a K.

Insure this

  • by Drew

Memories of when we had the addition put on the house… I remember talking to one of the contractors about guaranteed issue life insurance. I never knew there was such a thing, but apparently it exists. If you smoke, drink, drive recklessly and get lots of tickets, have a family history of things like diabetes and heart failure it seems that some would consider you an “insurance risk.” for those of you not up on the lingo, that means you are a “risk” to “insure.” Yes, apparently providing insurance to high risk individuals is not the business of most insurance companies.

Who knew.

But there is hope, friends. A few benevolent providers are out there, willing to work with you. They can provide you and your family the peace of mind you deserve. Cuz let’s face it, your time is running out. FAST!

The plumbers came at the crack of dawn

  • by Drew

Well, not exactly, but they did arrive pretty early. I just wanted to write PLUMBER and CRACK in the same sentence… cuz that’s how I roll.

We’re having more work done to correct the nonsense perpetrated by the builder (now in the wind) and the contractors who did our addition (apparently physically unable to step foot on our property ever again).

Someone told me it was the fault of manufactured homes. I pointed out that we actually live in a modular home, which is pretty different. And also, the only problems we have are with stuff that was done on site by contractors – you know, the purveyors of the stick build and detractors of the modular build. So… maybe they should get their “do it right” hats on and leave their “deny my screwups by making cracks about the modern way of doing things” visor on the work bench in their garage at home.

Shouldn’t have napped

  • by Drew

I am confused by water. Not the water itself so much as all the machines and chemicals and brouhaha available to mess with it. We have a well and that works pretty well for us. We also have a filter on the incoming line because we once discovered that sometimes the water coming in from the well has some fine sediment in it. And that crap adds up.

We have hard water. We deal with that with a soft bristled toothbrush and vinegar when the crust develops on the fixtures because I don’t want a water softener. I’ve just heard too many questionable things about water softeners. And wany, I’m supposed to watch my salt intake, do I relaly need to be drinking homemade sea water just to keep my faucet sparkly a little longer?

The thing that gets me is this reverse osmosis stuff. I know I should have stayed awake more in science class. It has something to do with stuff leeching into other stuff or something

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