Billboard Top 40 Pharma

  • by Drew

Ok, in addition to being annoyed by self proclaimed experts and fake experts, I am really, really annoyed by the crossover specialists. Here I’m thinking of people who have some degree of success in one area, often the music business, and then decide that they are somehow qualified to be fashion designers, fragrance creators, jewelry artists, or furniture makers.

If you can sing and you were lucky enough to get a record deal, with or without American Idol, can’t you just leave it at that? Do you really need to sell me an overpriced hoodie at Kohls? Do you really need to push an ottoman from Raymour and Flanigans with Your Name Collection on the pillowcase tag? Do you really need to suggest that I should try to smell like something that you pretend is what you smell like even though we both know damned well that you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that chamomile and french vanilla stink water?

Do you remember the good old days when the half talents on American Idol were just competing for a chance to sing other people’s music in the dictated genre for a pittance? Look to the future when they’ll be singing their hearts out for a chance to do the next Stimerex ES jingle or P&G radio spot…I mean, if they still have radio.

And another thing…

  • by Drew

Something else has me annoyed. It’s not just the self-declared experts. It’s the bullshit fake experts. I’m thinking about guys like the Rich Dad Poor Dad dude. That guy has made an absolute mint with his made up story about two guys who take different investment paths. It’s the Goofus and Gallant of finance. Do what Goofus does and you will end up in the poor house. But follow Gallant’s investment strategy and you’ll end up wearing the royal rich dude robes.

And tons of people bought the book. And they bought the audiobook. And they bought follow up book. And they bought tickets to the seminar. And they bought copies of the investing video. And they bought the third book in the series. And they bought every magazine with and excerpt or article by the author of the three books. And they bought the revised ninth edition of the first book with the all new bonus chapter.

And maybe they followed the advice, and maybe it worked for them. Then again, maybe they should have spent the money on nice wedding invitations or just dumped it in a Money Market Account and left the book on the shelf.

My problem with this, and the reason I am annoyed: this dude never actually followed the Gallant investment advice. He was not a Rich Dad. He just came up with a cutesy concept for presenting the academic case for different styles of investing. Now, he is not particularly dishonest about the fictional dudes. But he made his money through book sales, and not investments, and for that reason, one has to REALLY question the validity of the advice.

Everyday Experts

  • by Drew

I am annoyed. Big surprise, but it is so.

I am annoyed by these people who have had some success in one, focused area, and decide they are experts in all things. For example, there is this wine guy who did a wine webcast years ago. He was the first one to do it, and he had some modicum of personality, and even some of the big retailers were linking to him for a while. Of course, then they realized that he is a retailer himself, in fact his family is a major retailing presence and much of what he would push was merchandise he, himself, needed to move.

This is marketing. This is capitalism at its finest…or worst. Same thing, really, right? And that is not what annoys me. The dude was trying to sell wine, and in so doing maybe got some more people interested in wine. This is cool. Personally, I think it was more an act of self-promotion and self-interest than true love of wine and wishing to spread the grapey love, but…that’s not what annoys.

What really toasts my bun to a deep, smoky charcoal is that this guy is now writing book about marketing and using social media and blah blah blah. Dude, you are a wine guy who had some success, mostly because you were in the right place at the right time. Be happy about that, and if you want to tell that story, fine. If you want to talk about how you marketed a very specific product in a very specific way, that’s cool. But when you start talking smack about marketing in general, media in general…seriously, shut the hell up.

I have table and chair set on my deck. I selected it from several different table and chair sets that I saw in a variety of stores. I am reasonably well-informed about my outdoor table and chair set but I’m not going to right a book about outdoor cushions. That would just be wrong.

Powerless

  • by Drew

So, the Subaru… We didn’t drive it for a couple of days. Then one morning, we turned the key in the ignition and nothing happened. Shouldn’t have been a surprise, I guess, since the dome light was off and absolutely nothing on the dashboard lit up for the effort. Dead battery you say? You say wrong.

Nope, I tried a jump and while it git the instrument panel to temporarily light up, the engine wouldn’t turn over. So I called teh dealership and since it is well within warranty, he said we need to get it towed in. I already screwed around with the fuse box looking for something blown with no luck, but I asked if there wasn’t something he could suggest. No luck. Get it towed.

So I called our roadside assistance number, the roadside assistance you get as part of the warranty, and after being hung up on twice by the computer, I was told that call volume was extreme. So it snowed for three days, big deal, right? The anticipated wait this morning was more than 8 hours. Actually, I think more than 8 hours is the longest delay the computer can offer, so for all I know it is more like two weeks.

Since we have another car – the unsinkable Toyota Corolla – I’m not too worried and figured I would wait a day for the call volume to subside rather than listen to the muzak light sounds of the 70s for “more than 8 hours” waiting for the next available operator.

But what if I was on the road, in the cold, with my kids, and a fading cell phone battery that I couldn’t charge because the power system in my car is completely dead. What then Subaru? It’s not like I’m looking for something complicated here like rv repair or jet turbine adjustment or help pairing wine with dinner. I just want a freakin’ tow.

Frosty

  • by Drew

Snow everywhere. For the fourth or fifth time in the last week, the weather man was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. We had snow all day. All day. I got to bust out the snow blower again. Again.

I’m not usually a seasonal complainer since I am one of those people who always says I couldn’t live in, like, Florida or Cali because I like variety throughout the year. And I really do mean that. But when the weather man keeps saying “enjoy the next couple of sunny, snow-free days” and I plan accordingly, the unexpected snow really blows.

I’m not exactly in the Outer Banks vacation homes market or anything,  but I really wish the weather guys would stop sucking it long enough to not blow the weekend…or at least let us know when it’s actually going to be a snowy day.

Thinning

  • by Drew

Since my most recent post may make me sound like a real bald-hater I should point out that I, too, am somewhat follicle-challenged. I mean, I’ve always had a high hairline, even when I had hair down to my butt. And now I’ve discovered something else. After an ill-fated attempt to grow my hair out a year or so ago, I found that I have a thin patch in the Friar Tuck region. Damn. Goodbye rock star locks and hello Deadhead pony knob. Well, I think not. Back to corporate short, I guess.

So, I have hair issues too, so I’m not really picking on bald men. I’m picking on vain nimrods who blow all sorts of cash on hairpieces and Hummers to try to impress 18 year old girls. And who wants to impress 18 year olds anyway? I mean, I remember a time when 18 year olds were slim and sassy, and even the dimmest bulbs were fun to talk to. But now, it seems that wherever you look, two out of three teens are chunked up. Seriously, when I look better in a halter top than half the high school girls out there…this is why pay per view porn is such a big business.

The thing about baldness that gets to me, though, is the handful of areas that are not afflicted. For example – ears. I am pretty safe in this region. I have an occasional sprouting of fuzz on an earlobe that needs plucking, but it’s not too bad. My nose gets a routine plucking too, but mostly for what seems to be a handful of persistent hairs that corkscrew out.

I won’t even go into my back…but if they start doing effective back-to-Tuck hair transplants, my pate will be well-sheathed in coarse black wiry fuzz. and I used to pluck between my brows every once in a while, but it’s been years since I needed to. Weird. I never approached a mono-brow or anything. I just used to have a few stray hairs that would show up once in a while. But no more. Do you go bald on your brow line too?

But this brings me to my last area of hair-tastrophe. I have this one hair that appears in the middle of my left eyebrow every few months. While the bulk of my brow remains chill and trim, this one hair grows to the beat of its own drum. For real. It twists and turns for weeks before I notice it (contrary to what this post might suggest, I don’t actually spend too much time looking in the mirror…I mean, I do love rooms with tile flooring and all, but I’m not that bad). when I notice the mega-hair, I grab the tweezers and usually pluck something that approaches an inch in length. What is that all about? What is this one rogue hair doing? Why can’t we clone that little bugger and sell him to the vain, bald, Hummer driving, chunky-loving male masses? We could make a mint!

Dimoxi-who?

  • by Drew

Riddle me this – millions of men spend absurd amounts of money on medical treatments, surgical procedures, ridiculous prosthetics and voodoo witch doctors to increase their personal follicle count. Seriously. Ours is a culture obsessed with baldness, or rather, hiding baldness. Or maybe it’s really hiding from baldness, because let’s face it, no matter how good your process, procedure or piece, everybody knows.

Think you’re getting away with it, Baldy? Think again. Everybody knows.

And if you’re delusional, like this one cue-ball-topped friend of mine who says people only notice the bad jobs and the bad rugs, think again. They see them all, they’re just too polite to mention it to your face. No, friend, trust me. You most certainly do not sport super-rug. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Not after consuming all the gin in the tub.

So embrace your baldness. Enjoy the extra pleasure you can glean from the Minka Aire ceiling fan with no excess hair to block its gentle summer caress. Go with nature, friend. Natural is nicest. It is. It is.

btw

  • by Drew

With all the icky no-sleep sickness going on during the holidays I forgot to mention Christmas. It was a swell ride. I mean, no orlando vacation in my stocking or anything, but I have no complaints. I got all my favorite stuff, including some tasty treats, especially my traditional bag of pistachio nuts. The best part for me was the Christmas Story-esque ruse we played…Hey look, there seems to be one more present back there.

Instead og a BB gun, though, we had a ball of string for the boys to follow down into the basement. At the end of the trail was a shiny new electric guitar with 10 watt amp and junior ludwig 5 piece drum kit. That’s right, I’m getting the band together with my boys. Hey, at 4 and 7 they’re totally ready to rock.

And while they start learning the basics, I have a bad little drum kit to bang on. Sweet.

So tired…

  • by Drew

Man, this coughing and no sleep thing has been a drag. I mean, really bad. I just looked in the mirror and I am reminded of a phrase I used to hear when I was growing up…death warmed over. And seriously, not much warmed at all. I look so tired, the circles under my eyes have circles. Maybe some under eye cream is in order.

What is that thing, though. You know, when you lay down and start getting a tickle in your throat? Man, that sucks. That really sucks. Of course, after I got past that I discovered that I would get the cough tickle when I didn’t lay down. Like, I’d prop myself up to keep myself from coughing and it would make me cough. D’oh!

Cough…Hack…Cough…

  • by Drew

Yeah, that’s been the sound of me for the last week or so. The stomach flu hit the household and I did a lot of laundry right around Christmas. A LOT of laundry. And while the nastiness of the 24 to 48 hour virus passed me by, I ended up with a series of cough and cold symptoms you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had sinus issues, headaches, body aches, nasal drips, congestion, sore throats, and an unbelievable hacking cough that wouldn’t let me lay down for more than about 5 minutes.

I’ve used every pill, syrup and powder under the sun. I even considered trying weight loss pills that work on colds…or so they say on some of the scarier pseudo-medical-advice blogs. Dude…this coughing thing really sucks.

Finally, though, I’m thinking it is leaving me be. finally I’ve made it through a night without hacking half the night away. Sleep, glorious sleep.

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