Coming Out

  • by Drew

I’m coming out of the closet on Saturday. Officially. No more whispered back room conversations. No more looking away and being afraid to make eye contact. No more faking it or denying it or living a lie. On Saturday I am going to let the whole world know the truth.

I read comic books.

Yup, it’s national ‘Read Comics in Public’ day…or something like that. And what a great idea, right? Call me a geek. Call me a fool. Call me childish. Call me whatever you want. I love ‘em and I’m going to figure out a way to take part in the festivities.

Maybe festivities is a strong word. I don’t think there’s going to be, like, a big party or anything. I mean, I’ve heard there will be some regional meetups, but I haven’t heard about any around me. And anyway, who wants to hang out at Starbucks with a bunch of comic book geeks anyway?

Just kidding.

But in all seriousness, I have always loved comics. I read them and collected avidly for a couple years when I was young, and then I went into trade paperback world. During my college years, when cash was especially scarce, I relegated myself to only the occasional graphic novel or trade paperback to keep the old fire burning. Then, when I started working, I started buying the trades more frequently, but still…I was so totally hopelessly out of the loop. In the last few months, though, I have been visiting a fantastic local comic shop and doing some bulk buying from a variety of back issue suppliers and auction sites. Yeah baby, I’m back with a vengeance.

And the stories, the quality of the writing, has really kept up with my expectations. At least, in enough instances to keep me jolly well satisfied. I don’t want to sound annoying, like some born-again disciple whose day of observance is Wednesday (Thursday after holidays) not Sunday. Most of my peers never strayed from the path. They did not abandon the weekly joy to wait for the trades to come out a few months later. So when I start talking it up, I most sound like a bit of a convert, preaching to the choir as it were. Sure, I want to testify, but what of my brethren who never lost their way? To put it plainly, I don’t want to tick anybody off.

That’s why, after much deliberation, I’ve decided NOT to wrap myself in C9 led christmas lights while reading GI Joe Origins and X-Factor on the steps of the Town Hall.

So let me be a respectful prodigal and hope my support of Geek Day (there I go again…but with affection) brings a little awareness to the unwashed masses. Maybe someone will even see me reading a comic and be inspired to step out of the closet themselves. Or maybe I can even find a newbie and convert him or her to the Illustrated Word. It may not be salvation, but it sure feels good.

bait

  • by Drew

So we’ve got TV back. Several people have been asking me about it. I mean, we dropped service over a year ago when I realized there was a weekend-long nonstop Spongebob marathon on multiple channels and my kids were, instead, watching a Spongebob DVD because it had “the one we want to watch.” Now, after a 14 or 15 month hiatus, the verdict is in. We’ve missed nothing. Sure, I like a few things here and there, and it is nice to be able to flip the TV on and not have to select a DVD or Netflix streaming program. But really, I mostly just waste time looking for something to watch…or watching something I’ve already seen because there’s nothing else on.

Maybe if cat fighting among paparazzi wannabes, eating disgusting stuff, or glorified talent show performances are your thing, you can find something worth watching. Personally I don’t care if you can dance, sing, bitch, kvetch, cohabitate, diet, cook, decorate cakes or eat bugs in a competitive situation. You want a good and interesting reality show with real people? How about navigating the red tape of insurance claims?

Get a dozen people who’ve gone through surgery and see who is most persistent in refusing to take no for an answer. The winner actually gets his or her bills paid and the resulting ulcer is covered! Hell, give the winner a get out of pre-existing condition card while you’re at it. Or maybe you can do one of those get-the-job-at-the-end-of-the-season shows to hire someone who can actually explain the ins and outs of ssdi or Medicare/Medicaid… No, on second thought, I don’t think that’s actually possible.

And yet, I did discover a reality-ish TV show that I enjoyed last night. I probably won’t ever watch it again since I was halfway through the 4th episode when I trudged up to bed last night, but in a pinch. The show was Bait Car, and in the fine tradition of the greatest reality show of all time – Cops – we see the criminals at work, on camera, and we see them busted.

The concept is simple. Cops ditch a bait car in a crime ridden neighborhood through any of a number of methods, surreptitious or otherwise. Eventually, hooligans descend upon the vehicle and do their dirty deeds. As they rifle through the contents of the car, they usually notice that keys have been left in the ignition. Eureka! 

It’s all on camera and the cops have a device that will cause the car’s engine to stop once the crook has to driven to a more or less safe and out of the way location. They usually also can lock the doors so the villain is stuck inside. I guess it depends on the budget of the police force in question.

I don’t know how long this show has been on so it may be old news for anyone who’s had television for the last 15 months, but for me…pure viewing gold.

OBXed Out

  • by Drew

I was supposed to meet up with this guy a week or so ago. He never came by so I called him the other day. I said “hey, where you at?” and he said “the ocean.” Since I don’t live particularly close to any ocean, and he is local, I asked “Which ocean? The close one or the one that’s really far away?”

It turns out he was in North Carolina. Good old NC, the Outer Banks. I was…mildly surprised. I mean, I thought we were getting together and he never mentioned anything about North Carolina. For a minute I was more than a little peeved. Like, you might want to start pricing NC health insurance tough guy ’cause I’m coming down to give you a pop in the nose. But I settled down. So what if he went on vacation and didn’t mention it to me. I’ll get over it.

I guess.

I tell you, these people with time shares can be so insensitive.

impatience

  • by Drew

Impatience is…well, it’s burning me up lately. Not my own, of course. While I admit to losing my cool as much as the next guy, it’s not weighing particularly heavy on my mind right now. No, it’s my fellows on this island earth I’m growing concerned with. It’s no new thing, but my experiences on line at the store, or behind the wheel driving to work have been…frankly disappointing.

Driving to work this morning I was on a pseudo-highway that cuts for several miles through a very commercially developed area. Lots of people passing through, many of them working in the stores and shops and restaurants and stations and office parks nearby. Many traveling on to the legitimate highway a mile or so beyond my own office park. It is usually one lane, sometimes a little congested with only one really hang-up area due to a particularly poorly located traffic light. Oh yeah, and there are lots of lights. In the occasional long-stretches between lights the speed goes up to 55, but for most of the stretch, it is 45.

At one green light by a shopping center, there was a little congestion due to another light only about 50 yards down the road. I had a feeling that my light would turn red before that light down the way went green, so I hung at the line so as not to get stuck in the middle of the intersection. And I was correct, because my light went red long before the other went green, and I certainly would have ended up stuck in the middle of an intersection for half a minute or more, blocking the cross traffic. Smart driving right? 

Apparently, this was not the opinion of the schmoe in the little Nissan behind me. As soon as my light turned green again, he gunned his engine and pulled into the right lane, a turn only lane alongside me. He nearly sideswiped a car that was using said turn-only lane properly and there were horns and screeching tires. A second right turn-only car nearly slammed into the first one that had to stop so abruptly. The schmoe’s engine revved like a 70s Charger and he rocketed around me and flew forward. Then he slammed on his brakes because the car in front of him was just rolling forward, following the sluggish traffic.

It was like Zero to 40 to 0…or maybe 5 miles per hour…in the span of 150 feet, like he was atv riding, not car driving. In the process, two accidents were narrowly avoided by other drivers who were clearly more thoughtful and attentive than this schmoe. Totally worth it don’t you think?

For the next mile and a half I was right behind the Nissan, even when traffic opened up. I watched as he did that weaving thing certain aggressive drivers do on one lane roads – like they’re going to pass at any moment, but for the oncoming traffic. It was the “I Can’t Drive 55” music video enacted on the stage we call real life.

When the Nissan schmoe finally pulled into his destination (an unnecessary screeching affair at 40 miles an hour with no blinker) I wondered if it was worth it to him? He was driving like a complete jerk, nearly causing several accident, clearly causing extreme heartburn in all those around him, and he shortened his drive exactly one car length.

 And I was driving the Corolla, so it wasn’t much of a car length at that.

Verizon Sucks

  • by Drew

We had a recent run-in with Verizon. See, we’d been running Vonage off our cable modem for well over a year, but the phone quality was really starting to deteriorate. Maybe it was the cable connection, maybe it was Vonage, I don’t know. But when Verizon came at us with DSL and phone as a combo, we were ecstatic. See, for years I’ve wanted DSL but it is not available where we are. Too much space between homes, too far from the phone company’s nearest station or whatever. But technology came to the boonies…or so we were led to believe.

I jumped on a combo offer that would have gotten me phone and high speed internet for a bit less than my cable modem/Vonage setup. Fantastic!

 Or not. A month after I placed the order, when Verizon was supposed to hook up our high speed, they let us know they couldn’t offer the service. I was informed by email, sent after 9pm the night before it was supposed to be installed. Needless to say I was pissed because my cable was due to be shut off, Vonage was already cancelled, and I was stuck.

So I called Verizon and got a grudging apology from a kind of bitchy customer service rep. When I explained that they were really screwing me she said, “yeah, like I said, sorry.” When I related that the package I had selected offered some substantial discounts, I asked if they would still honor those discounts.

Rep: No.
Me: Excuse me.
Rep: No. There’s no discount for the phone package if it is not bundled.
Me: But I was supposed to get phone and internet for $55 a month. Now you’re telling me I get phone for $50.
Rep: The high speed and phone bundle has never been offered for $55 a month. $59.95 is the price.
Me: O…K…I mean I have the email right here…well, that’s neither here nor there. The point is you totally did a bait and switch here. You offered me a deal on services you can’t provide and now I’ve cancelled my other services and you won’t even offer a discount.
Rep: The bundle discount must have been on the price of the high speed service.
Me: So, that’s it?
Rep:……….
Me: You realize you’re forcing me to cancel my Verizon service.
Rep:……… 

So…talk about being total douche bags and NOT doing the right thing. I realize that Verizon has a total monopoly on all the lines in my area. In the past I got around them by using other phone companies. It always astounded me that I could get cheaper (and better service) from a company like MCI that was leasing the lines than I could get from Verizon…who owns everything.

Well, in the end I went with the cable triple play offer that brings phone and high speed through a new cable modem and so far so good. We’ve also got TV back to the great joy of the kids…but that’s another post.

Did I hurt Verizon by cancelling my account? No, not really, but it did feel good. And ultimately, if they keep screwing up in the servicing world, and if they keep squeezing their customers to keep the shareholders happy, they won’t last. It would be a huge, long fall, but I’ve seen it happen to a number of other telecom giants for all the same reasons.

By the way – just to throw some more chum in the water, I am not the only person who experienced the old bait and switch at the hands of Verizon. A friend who runs a small business went through the exact same thing. He got the same promise of service, switched his phone and committed to switch his internet to Verizon (and he, too, was offered all for $55 incidentally) and they never showed up for his connection date. When he called to question them about it, he was told they couldn’t provide service and he never should have been allowed to sign up. Nice, huh? Now he’s in a fight with Verizon, and in the process has discovered several of his customers who’ve gone through the same thing.

 So maybe our numbers aren’t that small. Maybe the bait and switch and screw the customer mentality is a standard Verizon business practice. Who knows? It looks pretty bad to me. All I can say is I’ll be happy to sign on to the Class Action when it comes around.

Toddler Vampires

  • by Drew

Wouldn’t it be kind of cute if there were baby vampires? I mean, not those freaky high-speed horror movie vampires coming after you in the middle of the night or anything. I just mean, well, I don’t know. Can’t you just see the vampire family hanging out in their living room in the middle of the night? Picture it.

There’s baby vampire, sucking on a bottle of plasma while Mommy V rocks in her shermag glider and cuddles him close. No, I don’t think nursing would come into play. And there’s Daddy in his wool, button down sweater, chuckling as Toddler Vamp gnaws his pacifier.

“Do you think we should take away his puggie?” Momma Vampire asks.

“Why?” says Dad.

“We don’t want his fangs to come in crooked,” replies Mom.

“And braces are so expensive and I just lost my dental coverage,” adds Dad.

Ahhhh, just another night at home with the Vampire family.

Skopie This

  • by Drew

I’m sick of Google. Really sick. I’m sick of people “googling” crap and I’m sick of the rumors of Google biting off Facebook so they can own everybody’s personal data and I’m sick of the Google/Verizon tiered internet nonsense. I don’t care if it’s true or not. I don’t  don’t I don’t. I really just want somebody to knock Google off the throne.

Let’s face it, they were late to market with technology that was already established and in existence. And still they had a hit. Maybe it was pre-bubble Internet IPO nostalgia or something. Like…recession denial or something. But really all they had going for them in the beginning was a great name. A better name than any other search tool. And a name with the added value of sounding pretty good as a verb.

So that’s what I want. I want someone else to come up with a search suite that is as derivative as Google. Gmail? Come on. It’s just a freakin’ Webmail account. Yeah, Google Earth is pretty cool, but it just builds on stuff other people were doing in the 90s.

That’s why I want to see Skopie rise up and take over. Want some info on wiring your ceiling fan? Skopie it. Need an email account, try our new Smail. Hook up with your old High School buddies on Sko-Book. And while Google is going to give Verizon it’s A-game service, Skopie is going to play fair with everybody else.

And in case you’re wondering, it was a failed search for some fan wiring specifics that brought on this whole tirade. Go figure.

Sights…

  • by Drew

So the trip to the land of my people…pretty good. The boys were pretty well-behaved and we had a kick ass room. Best part of the top floor room was the view through the classic oval windows. Dude, you have to love historical architectural details like oval windows. Man, it was awesome to pick out our room from the street.

The only thing about oval windows, though (other than framing the view quite beautifully) is no off the rack blinds or cellular shades. You’re going to be totally out of luck at the Home Depot…oval windows mean custom window treatments all the way.

Grand Blanc Nord

  • by Drew

Oh, to clarify that last post, this upcoming trip is not only to Canada, but to the magical land of Quebec. Yup, pseudo-Frenchies, cheese and gravy fries, high-alcohol beer and maple sugar candy… Yes, the great white north, indeed. I’m hoping for a decent exchange rate and less humidity. No big outlet sales, no coupons, no buy one get one free. Really, all I want is to spentd some time checking out where my Grandma came from, grabbing some tasty treats and not totally sweating my butt off. Sounds like a rockin’ good time. I’ll let you know how it all goes.

Great White North

  • by Drew

Tomorrow I embark on a voyage to the land of my people. And here’s the snapper. I’m bringing the boys. Yup, I’ll be riding in Mom’s backseat with my seven and four year old. Tell me that’s not brave. I’ve got some books. I’ve got my iPhone. We’ve got a stack of DVDs. Maybe I should have read some headphone reviews. Sometimes there’s nothing better in a crowded backseat than some kickin’ earbuds. I love’s me some rockin’ tunes, especially when we switch from live action Inspector Gadget to the cartoon version. Of course, if we switch on the Super Hero Squad I’m going to be all over that…and if anybody wants phones on I’ll be reaching for a phones splitter.

© 2026 Drew Bancroft. All rights reserved. Totally.