The Future is Here

  • by Drew

Have you failed to go 100% paperless? Are you still shredding bank statements and credit card bills? Get with the program, dude. That’s old school identity theft protection. You need to think about the future. Now you can get RFID blocking wallets to protect you and your new credit card with its onboard RFID chip. Pretty freaky, huh? People can steal data from a chip in your pocket you probably didn’t even know about. Terrifying. What’s next? I’m hoping for an alien brainwave radar jammer to keep those pesky little green men from stealing my ideas and selling them to television writers in Hollywood.

Dressed For Success

  • by Drew

At the New York Comic Con I was really digging a lot of the people who dressed up. There were way too many pudgy chicks with random anime-inspired pseudo costumes – fuzzy cat ears and mini-capes were popular. But some people really did it up. I saw a husky Scarlett who gets bonus points for dressing up because she was with a really good Snake Eyes. I saw two great Baroness costumes, and one of them was accompanied by two Cobra soldiers. I saw two good Deadpools and a number of kids dressed as Mario (yeah, Luigi’s brother). I saw zombies and a couple Hit Girls. I saw robots and ninjas and a guy dressed like a tank. There were a whole bunch of super heros, too, and some were pretty good.

After the fact, I’ve seen a great number of photos from other days of the convention, and some of the costumes were incredible. There was a Sue Storm who looked like she stepped right off a comic cover. There was a really good Thor, there was a woman who was a kickin’ Loki. And then…there’s this picture I saw of a woman in a cape. She has a sort of black leotard and a mask and a cape. I’m not sure who she’s supposed to be…no insignia or anything. She’s just 110 pounds overweight, smiling and acting super…sort of. I couldn’t quite figure it out. There was this excellent Sue Storm on the one hand, and then this enthusiastic…super chick of some sort. I’m not making fun of her. I was just confused. I guess some people are meant to dress up like hot comic book stars and some are meant for IT jobs.

Fortress of Solitude

  • by Drew

I went to the New York Comic Con this past weekend and it was so good. Got some autographs, shook some hands, took a picture in front of the Black Beauty from the upcoming Green Hornet flick with some hotties, grabbed a couple bags full of comics and had a grand old time. It was way better than most of the trade shows I’ve gone to in the past. Yeah, some of those late 90s Internet shows and Mac shows were pretty sweet. I seem to remember some bungie jumping in Boston, but that was so long ago.

Most of the shows I went to back in the day were in and around home building, automation and high-end home theater. There was some fun stuff to see there, too, though I was working at those shows. One of the most impressive shows was one the National Association of Home Builders did. There were companies that would actually go to the hall and build houses. At one show somebody even built a replica of the Simpsons house. It was pretty wild.

So that got me thinking. Maybe DC comics should have taken a page from the NAHB show. They could have checked out some steel buildings, found something ultra cool and appropriate and erected it in the middle of the Javits Center. Then they just need a guy in a red cape to call it home for the weekend and they’ve got the best booth at the show…the Booth of Steel!

Buy.com netbook

  • by Drew

I remember when I was looking for a new machine for my wife, back when the baby was just about due. I thought hard about those netbooks. They were cheap (some still are when you see the deals at places like buy.com) and they were small and light and did the basics – she needs to write and surf the web. Netbook=perfect, right? Instant on, solid state, no nonsense…right? Just like those old CE machines that never quite took off, but without the bloat of Windows.

And then they started shipping them all with Windows. WHY! They went from instant on to long ass load time – as much as 10 minutes to boot on some models. And the slightly pared down version of Windows still added more than 50% to the cost. Oh well. Another good idea killed by greed. Sigh.

By the way – I got her a smaller laptop instead. Full capabilities and only about 3 ounces heavier and $60 more than a Windows-loaded netbook. So there.

Time to Eat the Donuts

  • by Drew

I hate needing gas in the morning when I’m driving to work. My favorite place to stop on this particular route is not very accessible during the morning rush, so I have been trying out some new spots lately. The gas station I like the best is on a corner by a pretty low-fi intersection, so it is easy to get into and out of, but only if it is not busy. There are four pumps, 2 on each side, but the station has a really small footprint, and there is a small market with lotto, so it can get pretty crowded. A couple of guys buying scratch tickets and a delivery truck – even a small one – and you’re going to do some waiting trying to get either in or out. So, I have to eyeball this one carefully as I approach to make sure it is a worthwhile risk.

The next most desirable stop is about two miles further down the road and 3 or 4 cents more per gallon. It’s not a big price jump, but, you know…it’s still more. But it’s way better than the next station I was used when desperate which is another mile down the road and usually 10 or 11 cents more per gallon than the first place. Even though this third station is huge, with the most pumps, and is easy to get in and out, they really bang you on the price per gallon, so I try to stay away.

Anyway, back to the second station. This place has 6 double sided stations, so 12 possible pumps, though at least two pumps have been out of order every time I’ve stopped. And not always the same two. And it’s never the same stations (like both pumps, one on either side). This is also a corner location, and while the first place is right before an intersection, this one is right after an intersection, an intersection that is not much busier than the first one. So this place is usually even easier and faster to exit than the first station.

The only real problem with number two, other than the slightly higher price per gallon, is that it has an even larger market with lotto AND it has a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru. Most of the gas customers are actually pretty chill. You get some contractors filling machines and jerry cans on their trucks before starting the day. You get a lot of people just driving to work. You even see some kids who are on their way to the nearby high school, and I have to admit, the kids look pretty nice and wholesome. No rowdies here – it’s all Chess Club and Color Guard. They’re not looking for the best acne face wash…they’ve already found it.

But the Dunkin donuts is a problem. I mean a real problem. A serious problem. As I pump gas I watch the coffee fiends come flying into the lot. They drive between cars that are pumping gas rather than around like the painted arrows and half a dozen signs tell them to. Their tires  squeal and they just drive way too fast for a little parking lot that has so much foot traffic. All to be the first on line at the talk box. Seriously, while pumping gas I watch bleary-eyed coffee fiends casting furtive glances around, trying to nose out the banker in the Audi that just squealed in off the main road, trying to block the soccer mom in the Navigator who is sitting so far forward with rapt attention on the drive-thru lane that her forehead nearly touches the window. These people have blinders on, seriously.

Last time I was there, I nearly got clipped by a woman in a giant SUV that I’m quite certain never even saw my little sedan from the elevated perch of her Michigan-manufactured mobile mountain. A white-haired guy in a opalescent white Avalon with the gold trim package going the wrong way (if you care to pay attention to the directional painted arrows and pole mounted signs all around the lot) laid on the horn as a gas pumping customer attempted to cross in a marked cross walk with a kid of about kindergarten age. He was shouting something that probably would have been bleeped during prime time and gesturing provocatively at another car that used the hesitation to jet into the drive-thru lane first.

Look, I like a cup of coffee too, but people need to seriously chill out. If you have to behave like a complete asshole every day until you get your caffeine fix, maybe you should buy a freakin’ Mr. Coffee. Do I go around shoving everybody out of my way before I have my breakfast bourbon?

I didn’t think so.

The Drop Zone

  • by Drew

I frequently work at home, but on the days I go to the office, the last minute or so of my drive gets a little…challenging. My office is on the second floor of a shopping plaza, a big shopping plaza. There’s a grocery store and a Chinese buffet place and a big chain pharmacy and a bunch of shops and such. You can get subs, bagels and coffee, liquor, etc. You can even do some banking and pet supply shopping. And all the way at one end is a day care place. a huge day care place.

To get to my office I park in the back of the building for easy access to the stairs. The thing is, to get to the back, I have to drive around the side of the building with the day care, and while most customers of the ground floor businesses park in front of the building, the day care parents park in the back. I say parents but I should say Moms and housekeepers because the Dads, I almost never see Dads. Maybe one in a hundred droppers-off is a Dad. Or man servant of some stripe.

Anyway, the clusterf*ck behind the daycare is astounding. At least 80% of the women exceed 300 pounds, they all drive SUVs (and not little crossovers – I’m talking the Big Mamas…appropriate, I know) and they have no care whatsoever for the people entering or exiting the parking lot. At least at their size, eye wrinkle creams are not an issue because that flesh over the skull is way too stretched for crow’s feet.

So, I have to drive through a corridor of these monolithic vehicles driven by business casual giants with a cup of coffee in one hand a cell phone in the other, and with responsibility for their offspring squarely resting on the shoulders of a professional child care establishment, they are ready to race forward with their day.

And boy do they ever…race forward, I mean. Actually, backward. See, with all the crap in their hands and at their ears they don’t seem able to steer in reverse, or even glance in their rear view mirrors. So when I round the corner of the day care facility and pass through the parking lot area, I find my self swerving to avoid being slammed by some Big Mama’s rear end. Actually, multiple big rears. Seriously, it’s like a freaking car slalom. Me in my little Toyota against the big bad gas guzzlers.

And the self righteousness of these Moms is pretty staggering. I’ve gotten honked at, more than once, by women backing out of a space. Since when is the person driving down the parking lot lane expected to stop for every car that wants to back out?

Don’t even get me started about pickup at the end of the day when all the after school kids have been added to the mix. It’s truly devastating. Thank goodness the plaza sports a liquor store.

It’s in the blood…

  • by Drew

I went to the dentist today for my 6-month cleaning. I was in pretty good shape over all, but I had a little bleeding of the gums. What does it mean? More flossing, and better flossing. Like, under the gums flossing. Fun fun. But it works. I’m a believer. And anyway, haven’t you seen any of those reports about minor infections? Apparently if you have any kind of high blood pressure or heart disease or anything like that, these little infections travel around in your blood and make it worse. Seriously, like it can make your heart explode, or your brain, or something. Dude, that would suck. What should you do? Lose weight, floss your teeth, cut down on salt, avoid high fructose corn syrup, maybe pick up some diet pills here….maybe…you know, stuff like that.

Oh yeah, and drink red wine. And chug olive oil. Wine and olive oil. Maybe some of that lycopene. Rock on.

Good luck.

Beached

  • by Drew

Last summer we went to Raleigh to my brother’s summer house. We had  a blast. North Carolina – woo hoo! But while many people sport those OBX stickers, we’ve never headed that way. Not yet anyway. Of course, if Carolina Designs wants to make me a happy soul, they might send me to their kickin’ beach house. Who wouldn’t love a week at a vacation home with a private pool hot tub, twice as many TVs as I have family members, and a Volleyball net. Seriously. A volleyball net.

We did a lot this summer, and a mega beach vacation took a back seat to all the other stuff we did, but next summer…yeah, I could see digging one of these Outer Banks beach rentals. And man, the kids would be in their glory. Let’s go down the list:

1) Beach – what kid doesn’t love playing in the sand? I know my kids dig it.
2) Ocean – You ever spend so much ime playing in the waves that when you take a shower later on and close your eyes you can still feel the waves crashing over your head? If not, you have not played in the ocean enough.
3) Pool – More swimming? With my kids…damn straight.
4) Volleyball – this would probably be a bust after some failed net activity in the front yard last spring, but just this week I learned that my 3rd grader is playing Volleyball in Gym class, so…cool.
5) Hot tub – hey, the kids have to go to bed at some point, right?

Yeah, brother, I’m thinking this house is for me. Maybe next summer. Just maybe. It’s going to be cold winter weather soon and that may be just what I need to get through.

Spottier

  • by Drew

In remembering my spotty condition this summer, I also remember something I heard a lot. There’s a lot of advice, and a lot of possibilities, but it seems hard for people to find treatments for rosacea. They are out there, and they work for some people, but I guess everybody’s skin is different. And for that matter, everybody’s rosacea is different. Of course, my rosacea was temporary and viral, so the only thing for me was a course of steroids and a whole big lot of waiting and waiting and waiting.

Spotty

  • by Drew

At the beginning of the summer I got covered in spots. I thought it was poison ivy,but no. It was some weird viral rosacea thing. And I mean, seriously, I was covered. And it was nasty. And I still have traces of it, believe it or not. Man, you wouldn’t believe the scarring that is still hanging on. Maybe by next summer it’ll be clear. Who knows.

Nobody really notices anymore, but in its prime, man, I heard a lot of nonsense. On the one hand I got a story from a dude who thought it was psoriasis, saying I shouldn’t worry if it was because his psoriasis kept him out of Vietnam. On the other hand I had a woman suggest I spread mayonnaise on it. And of course, I got all the advice about one a day vitamins and distilled water cleansing and the healing power of the routine colonic. From strangers, no less. I’m surprised I didn’t get the Big Fat Greek Wedding advice of spraying it with Windex.

Oh wait, I did get that advice, but I have to be honest, it was just my wife making a joke.

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