So my kindergartner is in Little League. Modified T-ball is what they call it. That means the coach pitches about 10 balls (18-20 if it is one of the coaches’ kids) and if there is no hit by then, they bring out the tee. It’s not bad, really. Pretty enjoyable, actually. And the kids are very cute. All between the ages of 4 and 7, they are making huge progress.

The biggest problem, as is to be expected, is the parents. There are some who drop off and don’t care. There are some who bring their beach chairs and congregate in such a way as to completely miss the entire game. There are some who help out and pay attention. And then there are the ones who take it WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

For one thing, this league uses real Major League team names. So my guy ended up on the Mets. I suppose it could be worse –  he could be on the Red Sox. I say that not as a shot against the Red Sox, but rather because we are, after all, in New York, and let’s face it – people are idiots. How do I make that judgement you ask? Well, I had to listen to Mets bashing from the parents and grandparents of kids on the team for three games before it finally petered out. No lie, adults were saying things like “I’d rather be dead than root for the Mets” and “I’ll cheer for the team but I’m not cheering for the Mets.” Yeah, brand loyalty – Major League Baseball style – knows neither bounds nor tact.

But what really makes me crazy are the parents who focus only on their kid and refuse to listen to the coaches or have concern for any of the other children. When their boy breaks position and vailts across the field, knocking over team mates and ultimately pushing the little girl who caught the grounder and pulling the ball from her glove, do they scold him? Do they say “stick your position” or something like that? No. They say good hustle. Way to go.

Have to be honest on this one, it really pisses me off. You try to teach your child to follow the rules and be a team player, and one or two kids hopped up on sugar totally blows that plan out of the water. Remember that old Saturday Night Live sketch with John Belushi when he eats little chocolate donuts before running a marathon? That was funny because he was a chunky dude. So why are people in the 21st century MAKING their kids eat chocolate donuts before a little league game…FOR ENERGY.

Why don’t we just call it like it is – have a couple of donuts to kick your hyperactivity disorder into overdrive and in a couple of years you can enjoy that Medicare plan cause you’re going to have all kinds of expenses tied to your adult onset diabetes.

One step forward, two steps back.

Rinse and repeat.