I was writing about my last bout with poison ivy, and yeah, it sucked, but there’s more to the story. I guess I shouldn’t say it was my last bout, it was just my last confirmed bout. Or, maybe semi-confirmed. The thing is, in the years since, I have had these relapses.

I haven’t been able to confirm another contact with the vile weed, but these annual relapses made me suspicious. It seems that whenever the sticky heat of summer descends for the first time, I get a recurrence of the rash. I have chalked it up to heat rash in the past. It is far less severe than my episode 5 years ago, but it seems to manifest in all the same places. I get a few bumps on my wrists, a concentration of bumps on my calves, and a few other spots.

This year, however, my annual relapse is a little out of control. It seems to be waning now, and I have a scheduled doctor visit in a couple days where I plan to discuss it all, but I am not a happy camper. I am covered, literally covered, in little red dots. Even the skin on my face and neck feels dry and leathery. Thankfully there are no bumps on my face, but my forehead is bathed in red splotches. I’m seriously surprised that someone in public hasn’t yet suggested a treatment for acne. Even without bumps, I’m looking rough.

The worst part of it all is that the closer I get to the end of the rash (at least, it seems the end is near) the worse it looks. Particularly on my hands and arms and legs and feet. The bumps have gone dark red while my surrounding skin looks exceptionally pale.

Did you ever see Steve McQueen in the movie Papillon? There’s that scene where he’s in a leper colony and the leper tests him, but Papillon knows the leprosy is no longer contagious. I feel like that leper. Totally. So Steve McQueen can come chill with me anytime he wants.