Booze

Tummy Tuck

Hey, while we’re stripping oil from the undercarriages of heavy liftters, what about taking a look at some phosphacore reviews. Alright, maybe not the best option, but bellies are an issue. Seriously. To quote my second grader, “I don’t want to sound mean, but…” there’s a lot of big belly-age going on.

Now, I know I’m not one to point the pudgy finger. I’ve got my share of extra pounds after all. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the arena of excess belly fat – in guys who used to be the slim muscular types. It concerns me, seriously. I know a bunch of these guys very well, and I know they get a reasonable amount of natural exercise in their every day work life. No, they’re not jogging or doing pilates, but they’re also not sedentary. Shouldn’t we be concerned that people who have relatively active occupations are displaying that particularly unhealthy frontal beer belly?

Hypertension, here we come.

PS Blog

Lube Job

This is a simple complaint. Or, well, an observation and a complaint. We’ve had a number of contractors/service people here in the last year, and there is a disturbing trend. Whether it’s a guy in a pickup truck, a fuel oil delivery, the septic pumper, Fed Ex, the sealcoater, or the meter reader, they always leave me with something.

An oil stain on the driveway.

Seriously. It’s getting on my nerves. I have this driveway we spent a mint paving two years ago, and then a couple hundred to get it sealcoated in the Summer. And now I’ve got oil spots all over it. Do you think I should read some accutane reviews and see if I can make a recommendation to these folks?

OK, that’s kind of silly, but I have to wonder why all these guys have leaky trucks. Maybe I could invent some sort of truck diaper. ..Yeah, that works.

Life

Sound and Fury

Me and my 7 year old, we chat. It’s the word he came up with many months ago when we started. See, after the addition was finished, I no longer had to put the two boys to sleep on an airbed in a half-demolished room with thoughts of the morning clean up before the crew arrived. Now, they have their own rooms with their own doors and and beds that don’t require 5 minutes attached to a pump for proper comfort.

The routine has evolved to this: teeth brushing, final potty break, bathing, story in the story chair, 4 year old tucked in, 7 year old chat before tucking. And oh, how we chat. We talk Cub Scouts and Summer Camp and Zero gravity remote control cars and assorted action figures and perler beads and watercolors and so much more.

Tonight, as he found a cough from this on again off again thing that is starting to suggest a need for allergy relief more than cough suppressant, we talked literature. We talked about telling stories, loving to tell stories. I told him he was lucky to figure out that his favorite thing (and this is more or less a quote) is writing…writing stories.

Hell, it took me more than 30 years to figure out that the single common element that binds all things I enjoy most is about the same aspect – telling stories. Be they stories in song or on the written page or even with photos or doodles…it is that creative act – coming up with the story and somehow sharing it. That is where I find the most fun, the most joy, the most…you know.

It’s pretty good to be a smart 7 year old, I guess.

Oh, but here’s what I was getting at with the whole chat thing. Tonight, after getting beyond the shared love of storytelling, he told me he is wrestling with his current story about a Nerf dart war. At 4 pages, it is “SOOOO much longer” than his last major work, a 3 page autobiographical piece entitled My Busted Eye.

The problem, he told me, is that there are a lot of capital letters in the Nerf story. Too many, he insisted, and for some reason I cannot totally fathom, it is hanging him up toward the end of page 3.

So I told him that famous apocryphal story about Faulkner and his editor. Upon reading a manuscript, the editor told Faulkner he must do a better job of using punctuation and such as his work was too dense and difficult to decipher – read Absalom, Absalom and you’ll know what he meant. Faulkner’s response was to send his editor several pages of typewritten periods, commas, and other punctuation marks with a note that more or less said “put these wherever you want them.”

“Don’t worry too much about the capitals,” I told him. “Tell your story and you can always fix those little things later.”

PS Blog

Green Thumb on the Down Low

I just saw an interesting truck. It was a big green behemoth with a dump bed on the back. On the door was the name of the business: Covert Landscaping. This made me chuckle. I mean, isn’t the point of landscaping that people actually notice it?

Then again, I thought, maybe it’s not the finished product, per se, that “covert” refers to. Maybe it’s the methods of the landscapers. I know how big yard projects can go on and on. Maybe their sales pitch is doing the work under cover, or after hours. Your neighbors never see the wheel barrows upturned on your lawn, the day laborers munching their lunches out of paper bags, the shovels and pickaxes and coffee cups…

No, these guys come in after dark. Their hoses operate silently, their pickaxes have plush covered handles. They wheel the new shrubs and trees across your lawn in baby strollers and if they don’t finish in one night, they cover the whole yard with astro-turf drop cloths.

It’s the wave of the suburban future. What’s next? Mowers that use lasers to trim your lawn? Self washing hybrids? The future’s so bright…