August 2008 » Pope Street

Commercials Suck

August 21, 2008November 9, 2016
by Drew

Not that commercials (or television in general) has been much worth watching…ever – but have you noticed the absolute crap quality of advertisement copywriting lately? One of my very specific pet peeves right now is asshole protagonists…and antagonists. There are tons of commericals right now featuring twoor three people, ostensibly lovers or friends, being total dicks to each other.

Example: The LG cell phone commercial with the mirror screen. The guy watches some chicks’ asses in reflection as they walk by. His girlie, sitting across the bistro table, texts that he is a pig. He shrugs his shoulders with a frank, “I don’t care what you think and what’s your problem anyway?” gesture. She rolls her eyes with disgust.

Hmmmm. This is a hell of a statement on young love, ain’t it? Couldn’t they come up with something a little better to capitalize on the whole mirror reflection angle (a cell phone feature I still can’t quite grasp as a value add – unless the mirror is somehow deflecting brain cancer rays…that would be cool).

Speaking of assholes, what about all those tax relief organizations. Dozens of pricks gloating about how they owed the IRS 100 grand in back taxes and they got away paying $57.87. HELLO! What the hell do I pay my bills for if some bs organization is going to bail out the chunkies who can’t file a 1040EZ once a year? I mean, I’m not naive. I know it’s not that simple, but they’re so smug about screwing the government out of tax revenue. I don’t need to see that after looking over my paystub and seeing half of my biweekly check go to tax and insurance. Can’t they drop the “Fuck you Uncle Sam” attitude and go with something more like, “Thanks for helping me keep my home and not go to jail after the IRS caught me being a deadbeat.” Some sign of humility might be nice. Maybe?

And what about the strung out chick “daring” to “touch” that phone on the ledge of a building? Man, I hate that one. She’s all sweaty and strung out like that hippie junkie Tom Hanks crushes on in Forrest Gump. Seriously. What is with the sweaty seventies junkie thing? She look like Stevie Nicks on a bender.

Oh, and those frickin’ Esurance commercials where the “real” customers get “animated” about their insurance. Have you seen those? Have you noticed how the customers’ waistlines shrink a little when they go cartoon? Have you noticed how the Lemon Tree haircuts get a little more stylish, the male hairlines not quite so receded. Dude, these are not fat and ugly people to start with, so if you’re going to cartoon-ify them, keep it honest.

So, what do I like? Burger King commercials. They’re hilarious. Every single time I see that big plastic molded King head with the big smile I crack up. When he’s peeping in the window I smile. When his kid (Burger Prince?) kicks him in the shin I laugh my ass off. When he plays football…well, you get the picture. I like the King.

Oh, one more thing. Another ridiculous thing that’s been driving me nuts when the TV is on. I’ll give it to you in just two words: Scrap gold.

Booze

Cheese Me, Jesus!

August 10, 2008November 9, 2016
by Drew

Random thoughts to share (Noah was up a little early this morning) –

1. Noah is into saying “Wall-E” in a computer voice since we saw the preview on another Disney DVD movie months ago. When we were in Lake George a couple weeks ago we went to the Magic Forest (I’ll have to tell you about the Diving Horse at another time) and saw a Magic Show. The aged, very tired magician (in a white under shirt and royal blue sport coat) selected an adult volunteer for a $100 bill trick. The volunteer’s name was Wally, and at a random moment during the trick, after the magician had said the guy’s name a few times, Noah just piped up with his imitation, “WALL-E.” Maybe you had to be there but we were laughing our butts off.

2. Noah and Jake (but mostly Noah) are really into saying “Cheese Me!” at random times. They get it from a commercial – I think for Cheetos. It’s a way to get them to smile for pictures, at least.

3. I’ve never been to a Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, but after a commercial for one this morning I realized just how much it sounds like Juckie Jesus. It amuses me.

4. We were just watching an old Tom and Jerry cartoon and Jake (he got up a little while ago) was fascinated by a scene in which Jerry fell into a big wine bottle and…well, he fell down a bit. Jake asked, “IF you drink a lot of wine do you sometimes get really silly?”

Absolutely.

Life

Always be true to yourself – – Or somebody…

August 7, 2008November 9, 2016
by Drew

You already know I’m not a big Miley Cyrus fan. Hannah Montana is terrible. The music sucks. The kids are idiots. Billy Ray Cyrus is in it. Wait, I don’t think you caught that…Billy Ray Cyrus is in it. AS AN ACTOR. Not only is it shocking that someone procreated with Mr. Achy-Breaky mullet, but their demon spawn has made it onto lunchboxes throughout the retail world (in other words, not just Walmart).

Hannah-hate aside, I just saw an early morning public service announcement in the classic tween-Disney style. It was Miley Cyrus talking about the new video for her new single. It’s a hackneyed MTV concept. She’s kind of bopping and vamping in a torso shot with a sterile background. There are ersatz musicians in the frame behind her – at least sometimes. Not particularly creative and not particularly surprising. Some of her adolescent attempts at generating Jagger-esque orgasma-lips are kind of extra gross, but I’m sure those wacky kids will love it.

Anyway, good ol’ Miley is talking about the lyrical message. Apparently, it’s her core message to her fans. Stay true to yourself – that’s what is most important in life (and many more words to that fact).

Here’s the thing – Miley Cyrus has gotten famous portraying a girl who gets famous by pretending to be somebody else. Does the irony make your brain hurt too? Maybe I’m just too sensitive.