Eating on the Run…

I was just at a busy intersection and saw a surprising sight. There was a guy in a little red sportscar eating something with a spoon. I can’t be sure what it was, but I was getting a very distinct yogurt vibe. Seriously, this guy, something like 50 years old, was hanging out at the red light, having a little snack. He was into it, too. He was really working the spoon. You know what I mean. He wasn’t just shoveling it in. He was sliding the spoon around the outside edge of the container, admiring the spoonful as he brought it up, and kind of rolling it around in his mouth. The dude was into it.

Now, this is a long light, and he had a solid minute and change, so he got like 5 or 6 bites in, but…come on. Dude, you’re DRIVING! There’s no hands-free for YoPlait. If you’re going to eat yogurt in the car, get a tube of GoGurt. At least you can one-hand  the tube.

What did he do when he pulled away? I guess he locked that yogurt between his thighs like a cup of overheated coffee. What if he had to slam on the breaks and inadvertantly squeezed a berry yogurt spooge all over his pants. What if he got into an accident? Forget about clean underwear. Not only would it look like he got a little Cronenberg jizz joy out of the crash, but the little berry spots might make the EMTs think he’s spotting.

Yuck.

As strange as yogurt munching at the stoplight may seem, that’s not the weirdest thing I’ve seen here. A couple months ago, at this same intersection, I saw a woman eating hot soup out of a big tupperware-style container. No kidding. She was blowing on it and everything. That’s going to be a hell of a lawsuit. I can’t wait.